Anyone who has lost a pregnancy knows that the experience is intense, to say the least. There is an entire range of feelings that accompany the loss of a pregnancy, but knowing you're not alone can help you wade through the grief. With that in mind, encouraging words from celebrities who had miscarriages can be helpful. I know, because I've lost pregnancies. And you know what, reading about the experieince of women I admire is surprisingly good therapy on those nights I feel alone, and my laptop is blinking in the distance.
That doesn't mean you should forgo in-person support. You might want to see counselor about your miscarriage or talk with friends, family, and other women who've shared in your experiences. But there's something about knowing these idols, have shared life experiences with you. Whatever can open up a community and make you feel less alone is going to be a tremendous help, or at least in my experience it was. The power of connectivity can help keep you stay open-minded about all the possibilities of having the family you desire. And who doesn't want encouragement? I'm not a celebrity, but here's mine: If you build it, they will come. As for actual celebs, here's what they had to say about lost pregnancies.
1. Grief Can Be Therapeutic
In the HBO documentary Life Is But A Dream, Beyoncé talked about the miscarriage she endured before having Blue Ivy in 2012. "Literally the week before I went to the doctor," she said of the experieince. "Everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat. I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I've ever written in my life ["Heartbeat"]. And it was actually the first song I wrote for my album. And it was the best form of therapy for me, because it was the saddest thing I've ever been through." When you're in the thick of grief, it's hard to see loss as cathartic, but it is possible. Keep dreaming, just like Queen Bey.
2. Celebrate Your Friends' Kids
Gwyneth Paltrow told the Daily Mail that she miscarried her third pregnancy around the time her friend Beyoncé gave birth to Blue Ivy. Though Paltrow was devastated by her own loss, that didn't stop the GOOP guru from enjoying time with her friend's newborn. She told Huffington Post that her pal's baby "Blue Ivy is totally delish." How encouraging that Paltrow could open her heart to love a new baby in the middle of her grief (it's tempting to let envy steal life's joy). But she's GP, would you expect anything less?
3. All Babies Are Part Of The Family
In what is some very sublime advice, Lily Allen, who gave birth to a stillborn in 2010, told The Bump about how her stillborn is part of the fabric of her family. “We’ve got a little stone in our garden with his name on," she said. "And lots of different things that I do, rituals, I have him in my mind." Allen's sage words encourage women to think of lost pregnancies as part of the family, which is a beautiful way of looking at the universe.
4. Focus On The Good
The actress and humanitarian was a mother to two boys, but in the authorized biography Audrey Hepburn: An Intimate Portrait, it was noted that Hepburn experienced several miscarriages throughout her life. "If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had," she said of the experieince. "Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough." These words encourage people to always focus on the good in life.
5. Let Experiences Exceed Expectations
This is another nugget of transcendental wisdom from a woman who's not only a gifted actress, but whip-smart writer, and savvy Hollywood producer. Elizabeth Banks wrote on her website about the amazing experience of having children with a surrogate after going through several miscarriages. "This experience has exceeded all expectations, taught us a great deal about generosity and gratitude," she wrote. Always stay gracious, as gratitude opens your heart to unexpected possibilities.
6. Acknowledge Your Pain And Pray
There aren't a lot of men who talk openly about miscarriages, but Beyoncé's husband is one of them. In his song "Glory," Jay Z sings, "All the pain of the last time/I prayed so hard it was the last time." People often turn to prayer for encouragement during difficult times, and Jay Z is no exception.
7. There's Solace In Knowing You're Not Alone
According to The Bump, Emma Thompson's message to women who've lost pregnancies is to know that you're not alone. "There's been an awful lot of grief to get through in not being able to get pregnant again, but there are thousands and thousands of women like me who can't have children." Knowing you're not alone in your grief can be healing.
8. It's OK To Be Nervous About Miscarrying
"I was just really nervous," Pink told Parenting about her pregnancy. "I have had a miscarriage before." It's only part of human nature to be scared of history repeating itself, so give yourself a break if you're nervous on a pregnancy following a miscarriage. Channel your inner Pink.
9. Think Positive Thoughts
Brooke Shields told Parenting that she went through seven miscarriages before finally conceiving again. "I told myself, if it can happen once, it can happen again,” she said. Shields went on to have two daughters.
10. Talking About Miscarriages And Grief Can Be A Good Thing
Another man who's openly talked about his wife's miscarriage is Hugh Jackman, who told Us Weekly that miscarriages are common, but rarely talked about. "It's a good thing to talk about it," he told the publication. "It's more common, and it is tough. There's a grieving that you have to go through."
11. It's OK To Keep The Lost Pregnancy Private
When Jane Pratt miscarried twins, the feminist editor decided to keep the matter private, reported People in 2005. The takeaway here, if you don't want to talk about a miscarriage, that's totally OK, too. There's no rule book; you have to do what feels right for you.
12. Sometimes There Are No Words, And That's OK Too
While fans of this Real Housewife turned liquor empress, Bethenny Frankel are used to seeing her tough exterior, Frankel opened up about having a miscarriage, according to The Bump. "I've honestly had women that I've been friends with in the past [say] they had a miscarriage. And I kind of didn't really understand, and I'd say, 'I'm so sorry that's terrible,'" she said. "But not until you really go through it, do you understand what it means." People might not say the most sensitive things after a lost pregnancy, or maybe there are no words to describe it, as Frankel suggests. What's encouraging here is that you're not alone in your feelings
13. Never Give Up
Before giving birth to twin sons through IVF treatment, Celine Dion said of her miscarriage, "I never gave up," reported The Bump.
Words of encouragement are always a blessing, and tend to pop up when you least think of them. But they can be reassuring, if only for a moment, and help you get through to the next moment. That's called hope.