At some point in a parent's life, the classic lullaby, "Hush Little Baby," will be sung in the desperate hours of the middle of the night to an inconsolable infant. Though the song's origins are somewhat unclear, with no concrete author, it has woven its way into the very fabric of parenthood. At first glance, the lyrics can appear nonsensical or humorous. But most nursery rhymes and children's lullabies aren't exactly known for their solid logic or plot consistency. Yet, upon further examination, one has to wonder exactly how much money does the mom in "Hush Little Baby" have to spend to spend on getting their little one to quiet down?
Again, the tune is hardly intended to be taken literally, but you can't help but start to tally up the cost of the random objects and creatures listed within the lullaby. I mean, I can't be the only one who has searched online to find out exactly how much a mockingbird is worth, right? After all, in a day and age where some higher-end infant swings cost upwards of $300, it actually isn't that difficult to believe that some frustrated parent somewhere would gladly fork over a hunk of cash on a cart and bull if it meant getting a good night's sleep. So check out the financial breakdown of how much it would cost to hush your little baby according to the mockingbird mom.
According to the online pet store, The Finch Farm, you can purchase a Long-Tailed Mockingbird for $145. One should note that this does not include shipping. Also, you better hope your mockingbird sings. Otherwise, you're going to have to purchase a...
2. Diamond Ring
Though prices can widely vary depending on the cut, clarity, and carat size of your ring, there does seem to be an industry average. In a report featured on Today, the average cost of a diamond engagement ring is $2,000. Quite a bit of dough to drop on something that is a choking hazard for your infant.
3. Looking Glass
If you found out that the ring you bought on Craig's List was in fact a fake and turned brass, then you'll need to purchase a looking glass. Apparently, "looking glass" is just a fancy (and quite literal) name for a mirror. The folks at Home Advisor estimate the average homeowner spends about $262 on mirrors for their house.
4. Billy Goat
Blame it on a shoddy installation or bad luck, but if your fancy mirror breaks, the next item on your shopping list is the super practical and not at all weird purchase of a billy goat for your baby. A quick search on a pet classifieds site shows the average cost of a billy goat to be around $100. This of course does not include shipping or food.
5. Cart & Bull
Though I'm not entirely clear on what exactly your billy goat would be "pulling," you're going to have to invest in not just a cart, but a bull as well. Apparently this is a packaged deal. An ox cart costs $450 on Sears and a purebred bull can be as much as $3,500.
6. Dog Named Rover
You better hope the cattle farm you purchased your bull from has a flexible return policy, because if it so much as falls over, it's going back. The only reasonable solution to your clumsy cart and bull situation is to adopt a dog. Folklore is unclear on if the dog must already be named Rover or if you can name it after getting it. Either way, the average cost for adopting a pup is $300, according to Pet360.
7. Horse & Cart
If your new dog is the strong and silent type, bad news. To get your little baby to sleep, Rover must bark. Although that seems counter-intuitive, those are the rules. If Rover refuses to bark, then it's back to the farm supply store for you. A horse cart (again, from Sears) will run you about $820 and an actual horse is somewhere in the $2,200 range, according to About.com.
8. White Flag
Thankfully, this will be the cheapest of all your purchases since a white flag is less than $5 on Amazon. Why do you need a white flag, you may ask? It turns out that the writer of this lullaby is pretty strict when it comes to animals. If your horse falls down, much like the clumsy bull and silent dog, you're sending the poor fella out to pasture.
So at the end of the day, after all your failed purchases, you will wave the white flag and surrender to the fact that you still have the sweetest little baby in town. That may not be much consolation, though, after you check your bank account and see you've spent $9,782. You're better off investing in sleep coach, in my humble opinion.