How To Make Trying To Conceive Sex Fun, According To A Therapist
If you've been trying to conceive for more than a blink, you know how quickly the bedroom can go from feeling like a place of exciting intimacy to feeling like a fertility clinic. Enjoying love and romance with your partner is incredibly important, not only to your relationship alone, but also to your experience of bringing a child into the family. So, are you in need of some ideas for how to make trying to conceive sex fun? There's hope.
Deborah S. Simmons, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Minneapolis, tells Romper what she knows about helping her clients through fertility struggles: "Sex while trying to conceive becomes about timing, pressure, and procreation. The outcome focus — 'get it done so we can be pregnant' — can feel a lot like work."
And it's not just Simmons' private practice that sees this problem. In a recent study performed by Ava, a fertility tracking bracelet company, 50 percent of women surveyed claimed that sex is "not fun" when it's being timed around ovulation, and a whopping 75 percent of women surveyed said they have had inconvenient or unromantic sex in order to take advantage of their fertile window. Ladies, surely this isn't how it has to be. You deserve better. But how?
Simmons says that sometimes it's as simple as thinking outside the box. In her experience with frustrated prospective parents, "Having sex outside of the bed, even while being mindful of timing, can remind couples about recreational sex that has been easy and fun and that has connected them to one another emotionally." Seeking new environments in lieu of the same four walls of your bedroom, she insists, can make sex feel spontaneous and genuine again.
If branching out of your bedded comfort zone feels intimidating, don't freak out. No one's talking about getting it on in a movie theater here. Just consider other places in your own home that might put a sizzle in the fire — the shower, the kitchen floor, the couch during a boring movie, even in your car. The feeling of spontaneity — even if it was actually planned — can go a long way in making your love life spark again.
Part of becoming parents is having to figure out how to nurture your marriage when so much of your energy goes to thinking about your little one. By being willing to try new things to keep your relationship thriving even before baby comes, you and your partner are one step closer to a happy family life already.