Kids say the darndest things, right? Yes, but they also say the most asinine things — over and over again. Although part of you hopes that these questions mean your child might be the next great philosopher, the other part of you probably wishes they would shut up already. The only way out of this phase of their development, however, is through humor. Sometimes you just have to laugh so that you don’t cry. And what better way to laugh than to come up with brilliantly funny responses your kid’s questions? Even if your toddler doesn’t get the joke, at least you’ll keep yourself laughing, amirite?
Instead of wanting to scream every time your child comes over to ask why pears aren’t round like apples, what the meaning of life is, or what came first (the chicken or the egg), try coming up with clever answers to their questions to, at the very least, keep yourself entertained. Because if you can’t have a little bit of fun at your kid’s expense, what even is the point of parenting? There is none, I say.
And when all else fails, there’s always, “Go ask your father” to fall back on. That one always works.
1. “But Why?”
Because Google said so, of course.
2“Are We There Yet?”
Since we are, in fact, still in the car, and that car is still driving on the road, I’m going to wager a guess that no, we are not there yet. When you ask again in seven minutes, we will still not be there yet. But thank you for asking.
3“Can I Have That?”
That depends what you mean by “that.” If by “that,” you mean “a bite of the delicious vegetables I made for dinner,” the answer is, of course, “yes.” If by “that,” you mean absolutely anything else, then no.
4“Why Is Your Hair Red?”
Because my head was bleeding and it stained my hair this color.
Because life is funny like that.
6“What Happens When You Die?”
You haunt all your friends who are still alive just because you can.
7“How Can Dogs Understand Each Other?”
They sniff each other’s butts and communicate that way.
Between me and your Aunt Susie, we know the answers to every question in the world. I don’t know the answer to this one, so this must be something your Aunt Susie knows. Go ask her.