The one thing your iPhone conversations lack is more emoji, of course, so to fill this dire need, Kim Kardashian has launched Kimoji, an app that provides exclusively Kim Kardashian-centric and Kim Kardashian-inspired emoji. But how does one use Kimoji, which came to us all Monday from the 31-year-old businesswoman and reality television star who is no stranger to the world of apps? (Just last year, she released Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, a gaming app that has attracted 30 million users who navigate a fictional Hollywood world as if they're tagging along with Kardashian herself.) It's a question all obsessive texters need answered, now that we have Kimoji at out fingertips.
After all, this is the first time that we've had the opportunity to express our emotions via a tiny image of a large, thong-clad butt. Or, for that matter, via an image of large breasts censored by a thick black rectangle. Thanks to Kardashian's Instagram account, we already have an exclusive sneak peak of the emojis available via Kimoji. Indeed, we can partly thank Instagram itself for the existence of Kimoji, because, according to the International Business Times, Kardashian created the app to celebrate having reached 55 million followers on Instagram.
Looking at Kardashian's post introducing Kimoji, I can't help but ponder the many types of emotions that I was previously unable to express via emoticon.
Emotions Relating To Nail Polish Usage
This close-up shot of Kimoji's nail polish-themed emoji puts me in mind of the sadder, darker aspects of using nail polish. Black polish is a reliable signifier of a down mood, and long nails remind us of the pain that occurs when these nails, inevitably, break. I can just see the text messages:
"My dark polish matches my stormy soul. #existentialcrisis" [Cue Kimoji.]
"My press-on just ripped off. OUCH."
Emotions That Result From Being Censored
This is possibly/definitely the best potential use for our new Kimoji. Any time someone tells you what to wear or how to act, the Kimoji of Kardashian's censored boobs will certainly come in handy:
"My boss just told me to cover my cleavage." [Cue Kimoji]
"This movie got an R-rating just for showing boobs?! WTF."
The Emotions Of Having A Bad Hair Day
This range of emotions was, previously, best accompanied by a comical image of a cat. We now have another option: the blowdryer Kimoji.
"If only I had enough time in the mornings to do my hair." [Cue Kimoji.]
"Woke up with a bird's nest on my head. FML."
(Honestly, though, we can STILL use cats.)
The Emotion Of... Feeling Calm?
Amidst a variety of beauty and fashion-themed Kimojis, this pleasant image of a wave has me stumped. At any rate, it's surely meant to represent the wave of emotions that come with feeling Zen and generally at peace.
"Painted my nails yellow today. Feeling great." [Cue Kimoji]
"Today's outfit is on fleek. Looking good... nothing worries me."
The Emotion Of Eff Off
This ring-clad Kimoji of Kardashian giving the finger pretty much speaks for itself.
"To anyone who makes fun of Kimojis..."
Image: play4smee/Flickr; Larry Busacca/Getty Images Entertainment