Drop everything but your phone, because you have more important things to do right now: Kimoji, the most essential app of our time, has released some brand new content, and it can be yours for the low, low, price of 99 cents (plus the $1.99 to download the app itself, but obviously you already have that, right?). There are plenty of new emojis to choose from, but for those who are new to the game, I'll break down how to use the Kimoji summer pack by focusing on the most important ones. Spoiler alert, they're all North.
Yes, there are other new emojis besides North. There's an iPhone wedged in Kim's butt, which is very useful. There's Kanye laughing, which is weird, because we're so used to seeing him scowl. We have Kylie with aqua hair, some new speech bubbles, and some truly bizarre GIFs of Kim that look nothing like her. I'm not here for any of that. There are only seven emojis that really matter in the summer pack; the ones that depict a very rich baby North who was pissing off Anna Wintour before she was even out of diapers. North is all you need, and here's how to use the emojis of her.
Use it whenever you'd stick out your own tongue, like when you'd like a lick of somebody's ice cream cone, or you're imitating that one Albert Einstein poster.
Use this one to react to any and all things unpleasant. Your dog died. Your favorite show got cancelled. You're out of Goldfish crackers. This is the worst day ever, and you won't feel better until you're damn good and ready.
Because it's so versatile, get it? North could be communicating any number of things here, from "How's my hair?" to "Sh*t, I forgot to return that library book!" to "What am I going to do with this idiot?" You'll have to provide your own idiot, unfortunately.
"For Real, Though?"
Use this when someone says something so incredibly dumb, you are physically unable to type the words to ask them if they're for real, like "Oh, was yesterday your birthday?" or "I actually think cat-calling is a compliment!" or "I don't even own a TV."
"Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout, Willis?"
Why is this famous baby doing an impression of a character from a sit-com that went off the air 30 years ago? I don't know, but she is, and you can't convince me otherwise. Use it when you're slightly skeptical (but not nearly enough for the "For Real Though?"), or whenever you want to know what Willis is talkin' 'bout. As a matter of fact, if you actually know someone named Willis, go ahead and text him this daily until he changes his number.
Ever get added to a group message you have no interest in? You try being polite, you try humor, you try everything, but those people think their time is more valuable than yours or something, and they will not stop bugging you. Send this as many times as it takes for them to start a new thread. I'm betting between five and eight times should do the trick.
"Can I Live?"
Send this any time someone's annoying you, no matter how mildly. Like when your spouse starts texting you while you're at the grocery store, trying to add five more items to the shopping list from aisles that you've already been down. "Can I live?" Or when you specifically told your BFF that you were marathoning Ophan Black on Amazon Prime all day, and now she wants to send you pics of her new bangs and get your opinion. "Can I live?!" Or when your boss calls you while you're on vacation because you're the only one who knows how to change the toner in the copy machine, which is not even your job, and you are not getting paid right now. "CAN. I. LIVE?!" North does not trifle with nonsense, and neither do you.