New relationships are all about that excitement, but most every couple settles into a routine after a little while. How can you tell the difference between settling down and totally growing bored with your partner? In general, if you do certain things at night, then it's a sign you're probably bored in your relationship. For the most part, it's a good sign when you and your significant other both want to spend the majority of your free time together.
Of course, every relationship is different, and all couples have to balance their need for independence. Hey, most everyone is super busy with a packed and demanding schedule, so it can be tricky to make time for your partner every day. Plus, nobody is telling you to spend every waking moment with your partner, because that's probably the surest way to make everybody irritable. Still, it's healthy when couples want to spend their precious spare time catching up, communicating, and generally hanging out with each other.
So if you're spending every evening gazing lovingly into your phone for hours on end, instead of making a connection with your partner, then it may be time to reconsider the way you're running the relationship. For the most part, these are the sorts of habits that show couples have grown a bit bored of one another's company in the relationship.
1. Focus Solely On Separate Interests
Notice how the majority of your free time in the evenings is spent. It's totally OK to do your own thing once in a while, as Alyssa Noel, certified relationship coach, tells Romper. But if you're always at home watching Netflix while they're out having dinner with friends or something, then this may be a cause for concern. "That sounds like a snooze fest is happening and you're losing your connection," Noel says. Spending at least some time together is so important.
2. Mostly Talk To Other People
Do you prefer to Facetime with friends instead of talk to your SO? "If you communicate on the phone with others more than you communicate with your partner when you get home, that is a sure sign you’re bored in the relationship," says Tiya Cunningham-Sumter, certified relationship coach & blogger. "Your partner should be your priority and your time together should be focused on just the two of you." It's healthy to nurture your other relationships, of course, but it's important to leave some time for your SO, too.
3. Eat Dinner Separately
Shared meals offer such an important time to bond. "Eating dinner alone or in separate spaces is another sign you’ve likely checked out," Cunningham-Sumter says. It kind of sends a message when you're both at home but eating separately.
4. Force Conversations
Do you struggle to find anything to talk about with your SO? "Running out of things to actually talk about could be another sign," says Cunningham-Sumter. "When the conversations feel forced or there isn’t any at all, that might indicate a sense of boredom as well." Not everyone is a born chatterbox, but you should at least be able to find some topic of conversation most of the time.
5. Actively Doubt The Relationship
Pay attention to the recurring thoughts you have about life with this person as your partner. "If you sit and wonder if this is it for you, or if this is all there is to love, you’re bored with your relationship," says Nadine Smiley, dating & relationship alchemist. Is this something you're ready to address with the SO in conversation?
6. Daydream About Other Partners
Also take note of where your fantasy life takes you. "Everyone fantasizes about a tryst with someone else, but when those fantasies are recurring, and you start longing for your single life again or your life with someone else, you’re bored in your relationship," says Smiley. Is it only a fantasy, or is something else going on here?
7. Actively Avoid The Partner
Well, this may be the most direct sign of all. "Spending time with your partner at night *should *be the best part of your evening," says Adina Mahalli, certified mental health professional writing on behalf of Maple Holistics. "If you find yourself looking around for (literally) anything else that you could be doing with your time, you might be bored in your relationship." If this or any other signs are present in your life, then it might be time to bring excitement back into your relationship.