Figuring out if your partner is the one is among the most important questions you'll ever answer. When you reach the stage in a relationship where you're pondering that kind of commitment, you probably already know that you're compatible in lots of different areas. But some issues are obviously weightier than others. From future goals to finances to fidelity, there are some things that you just have to agree on if you've got any shot of making your relationship work, and they're likely not the one if they say no to these things.
While it's just not possible for two people to agree on absolutely everything, you do want to make sure that your core values align. These topics can be super intense to talk about, however, and some couples deal with that by putting off the conversations indefinitely. But your disagreements will rear their nasty heads eventually, so it'll be easier on both of you to get everything out in the open sooner than later. If you're really lucky, you might find that sometimes an initial difference of opinion can be smoothed over with a little negotiating.
Here are 10 questions you need to ask your partner to figure out if they're really the one for you.
1. "Do You Want Kids?"
This is one of the most important conversation a couple needs to have before getting super serious, and especially before getting married, relationship therapists told The Knot. If you for sure want kids and your partner doesn't, you need to know before you get in too deep. Banking on them changing their mind someday is courting disaster.
2. "Do You Believe In Marriage?"
Marriage isn't for everyone, and that's totally OK. But if it's something you definitely see in your future and your partner is vehemently against it, you've got a major problem on your hands.
3. "Do You Know What You Want Out Of Life?"
There's no deadline for figuring out your life, so it's fine if your partner has some question marks about the future. But if they're totally uncertain about the marriage and kids questions, aren't sure about their career direction, can't decide where to live, etc., you might be headed for lots of frustration.
4. "Can We Spend Time With My Family?"
Whoever becomes "the one" for you is going to become a part of your family, so you'll want to make sure everyone gets along. Otherwise, you might find yourself constantly caught in the middle according to Brides. Your partner doesn't need to spend every weekend or even every holiday with your relatives, but if they're totally reluctant to accompany you to any family gatherings, it's a red flag.
5. "Can You Help Out More?"
You and your partner should be equal in all aspects of your relationship, and that can include something as mundane as housework. If your partner expects you to do all the cooking or cleaning and refuses to pitch in a little more around the house, that imbalance can lead to serious relationship problems according to Verywell.
6. "Can We Go To Counseling?"
Relationships are obviously hard work, and sometimes you may want some outside advice to examine some of your issues as a couple. But if your partner refuses to go to therapy or counseling with you, you might find that those issues don't get fixed according to Psychology Today.
7. "Do We Define Monogamy The Same Way?"
You might think monogamy is a pretty cut and dried concept, but other people think there's a little wiggle room. One of you may think watching porn falls under the cheating category, while the other thinks it's harmless fun. One of you might think occasionally chatting with an ex is innocent, the other may see it as a betrayal. If you can't define your relationship and what constitutes cheating in the same way, there's probably heartbreak ahead.
8. "Do You Support My Career?"
Does your partner think your career is actually just a job? If you're determined to climb the ladder in your chosen field, an unsupportive partner might hold you back according to Business Insider.
9. "Can We Compromise?"
Relationships are all about a give and take. Sometimes it takes compromise to make things work, but if your partner isn't willing to do that, your relationship may not go the distance, Your Tango warns.
10. "Are We On The Same Page Financially?"
Finances are a huge source of stress for couples, according to The Balance. If your partner isn't willing to be transparent about their finances or committed to paying a fair portion of your shared expenses, it can definitely be a deal breaker.
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