To snoop or not to snoop? It's the question every couple faces at some point in their relationship. Your partner leaves their phone sitting on the nightstand while they shower and you hear a feint buzz. Whether you have cause to distrust them or not, you'd be lying if you said you haven't been tempted before. But is it ever OK to go through your partner's phone? Unfortunately, the answer isn't as black and white as you might hope.
For most people, their entire life is in their phone. Text messages from friends, work e-mails, social media accounts, and Internet searches — the temptation to go through your partner's phone is all too real. A recent survey by Avast Software discovered that nearly one in four women and one in five men admit to going through their partner's phone at some point in the relationship. Furthermore, in an interview with CNN, Julie Holland, a New York psychiatrist and author explains that while there may be select instances where it's more acceptable to snoop, communication is the most important thing. "My advice (to patients)," she said, "is always that you need to talk more with your partner and not less." Some couples have agreed that their phones are open territory and are completely comfortable with their significant other browsing around, while others would consider it a huge breech of privacy.
Whether it's a "last straw" to determine if they're really cheating or not, you're hoping to catch them in a lie, or you're just genuinely curious about what's in your SO's phone, snooping may actually have more negative consequences than positive ones.
1. It's Addictive
No matter your reasons for snooping, chances are you won't be able to do it just once. Like anything done in secret, whether you get what you're looking for or not, you'll keep wondering if there was something you missed. Like Holland said, it's best to talk it out first if you're having any suspicions.
2. It's A Lose-Lose Scenario
Think about it— if you decide to snoop, find nothing and get caught, now it's YOU who can't be trusted.
3. It Indicates A Lack Of Trust
More often than not, trust is a choice more than a feeling. If you have a "gut feeling" that your partner is hiding something, the least harmful way to approach it is to ask them about it first.
4. It Blurs The Line Between Intuition and Insecurity
There is a very fine line between knowing in your gut that something is off and simply wanting to dig up dirt. Do a little soul searching before you decide to slide open their phone to determine what your true motives are.
5. It Points To Deeper Issues In The Relationship
Using my own relationship as an example, anytime I've ever been tempted to search through my husband's phone, it's because there are deeper issues at play. More often than not, one of you will be feeling neglected, insecure or jealous — all things that can be more easily resolved with a conversation.