Here's a fun fact: Kim Kardashian and I are practically the same person. We're both humans, we're both women, and we're both United States citizens. But wait, there's more. We both have two lungs, own more than one pair of shoes, and neither one of us is into New Year's resolutions. But Kim decided to go ahead and make some resolutions anyway, because her fans were asking for them. Us Weekly shared Kim Kardashian's New Year's resolutions, which the reality star posted to her website on Thursday. And her goals for 2016 are just like mine (and probably yours, too.)
In the spirit of pleasing my fans (again, something that's really important to both Kim and me), I've decided to go ahead and make some of my own resolutions, just this once, because America deserves to know what I dislike about myself. And it turns out that once again, Kim and I really are one. We're practically sisters! Sure, I might not look like the rest of the Kardashian clan, but that means nothing these days. A little contouring and I could be on their next reality show.
Check out Kardashian’s resolutions, and you may find that her plans for the new year ring similar to yours.
1Take Control Of Housework
"I'd also like to finish our home next year," she writes of her abode with Kanye West. "We're working hardto make decisions and meet deadlines so it gets done." My house is a wreck, too, Kim. My resolution is to vacuum more often, because we spent a lot of money on that Dyson, and also, my best friend is expecting a baby and she probably won't let her play on my floors if they're covered in cat hair and Lego studs.
2Take More Pictures
"I'd like to do some really cool photo shoots for my website," Kim says. I also need to take more pictures. I've been on Instagram for almost two years, and I've only posted 61 pictures, and most of them are crappy. I don't know what I should Instagram, since I've already posted a ton of pictures of my cats and my garden, and my favorite restaurant is too dimly lit to take nice #foodporn pics, but I'll try.
3Get Out More
Kim's wanderlust isn't limited to fancy trips. "I want to do a couple more fun weekend trips with my Twitter followers that I haven't met yet," she writes. I would also like to get out of my house more. I don't want to vacation with internet randos, because I don't have a security team, but I do want to plan more date nights with my husband, which is practically the same thing, right?
4Go On A Family Vacation
Kim wrote, "I want to plan a West family vacation." Well here's where I have her beat. I've already planned my family's vacation for 2016. Although I do still have to call the doctor about getting some Valium because I'm scared of flying. And I have to figure out how we're getting to and from the airport. And I have to find someone to watch my cats. And I'm not sure if I need some sort of identification for my son. And I don't fully understand the rules with liquids on planes these days. But at least we've paid for the vacation already.
"I'd obviously like to shed the baby weight," Kim writes. "That's the big one to accomplish first!" I also plan on changing my weight! I've done the math, and if I put on five pounds of winter weight, I can keep the house two degrees cooler without feeling cold. Think of how much energy that saves! Good for my wallet and the environment.
Happy New Year Kim! May you keep your resolutions throughout the year — or at least until Feb. 1.
Image: Jason Merritt/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images