Life
Snapchat is no longer just an app for sexting teenagers. Chat 2.0 rolled out on Tuesday, introducing a boatload of new features. Selfies can only take a conversation so far, and that rainbow puking lens is so 2015. Now, in addition to sending multiple photos at once, users can make audio or video calls, send audio or video notes, and — move over, Facebook Messenger — Snapchat now has more than 200 stickers. So how does this translate into real world use? Is there a sticker for every occasion? For example, what Snapchat stickers would you send on maternity leave?
Hear me out, because this is a serious issue. Maternity leave (if you're lucky enough to be able to take it) can be incredibly boring, frustrating, and isolating. If you weren't talking to the TV and the cats before, you will be by the end of it. Yes, the new baby is great and all, but being cut off from all contact with other adults can fry your brain. Sure, you may have a partner who you get to see at the end of the day, but those conversations are usually limited to a rundown of how many times junior ate and pooped that day. It's important to stay in touch with friends while you're stuck at home. With that in mind, here are the Snapchat stickers that apply to the loneliest time in woman's life.
When You're Freakin' Starving
If you're a breastfeeding mom, you know that there's no hunger like the "I have to take in enough calories to provide for two people" hunger. It's as if you're still pregnant, only now, nobody thinks it's "cute" that you can put away a large pizza in 15 minutes flat. And if you're formula feeding, you're still starving, because ain't nobody got time to cook when they're up to their eyeballs in bottles and diapers.
When You're Desperate For Company
It's been a few weeks, everyone's done the one obligatory visit to meet the baby and bring a casserole, and now you're worried that the world has forgotten about you. You may not be able to go out for drinks at 10 on a Tuesday night anymore, but that doesn't mean that you no longer exist!
When You've Got "Mommy Brain"
When your every waking moment (and make no mistake, most of your moments are waking) is consumed with "feed, change, repeat," some other important tasks can begin to slide. So when you flake on your BFF's birthday or forget to pay the mortgage on time, these serve as both an excuse and an apology.
When Someone Complains About Work
Your coworker tries to make you feel better about missing work by telling you what a jerk the boss has been lately, or how Sheila in accounting picked up a chocolate cake for Steve's birthday, even though everybody in H.R. prefers yellow cake. Girl, please. At least when you're at the office, there's a very low risk of someone peeing on your face.
When You're About To Collapse From Exhaustion
Two hours of sleep a day is just not sustainable. If someone tells you to "just sleep when the baby sleeps" in person, go ahead and slap them. But if you're Snapchatting, these might get the point across.
When Someone Asks How You're Feeling
Other than tired, obviously. No matter which route the baby took to get out of you, it sure as hell didn't tickle. You're either held together with stitches or sitting on a bag of frozen peas. No need to be a hero; just be honest.
When You Open The Diaper From Hell
A photo would be rude, and the poop emoji doesn't quite cut it. Someone else must bear witness to the horror, but you don't want to get too graphic. Let Snapchat stickers do the talking for you.
When Someone Invites You Out
In the beginning, you would have laughed in their face, but now you're more than ready to leave the baby at home with your partner or your mom and get the hell out of there. Hello, real world! I missed you! Of course, after 45 minutes and half a glass of wine, you'll probably be ready to call it a night, but the point is, you're going out! Finally. Happy Snapping!
