The armed Oregon militiamen who are currently — and very illegally — occupying the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge have had it rough, lately. They've had no heat or power since Jan. 7 at their little holdout (that just so happens to be federal land) near Burns, Oregon and one of their own was the first to be arrested for stealing a federal vehicle on Friday. And they've been receiving a ton of "hate mail," according to militia member Jon Ritzheimer in a video he posted Jan. 11 — hate mail in the form of dildos. So very many dildos. And now they've received a very special care package to go with all those dildos: someone sent the Oregon militia a 55-gallon drum of lube on Wednesday.
That brilliant someone? Cards Against Humanity co-founder Max Temkin, that's who. But first, let's dial it back a second to talk about the fact that people are sending dildos to these militia morons, in response to their desperate calls for care packages on Facebook: Because what better care package to send to a bunch of dicks than a whole box of 'em. Temkin even splurged for expedited shipping ($17.99) on top of the $1,175.82 he spent for the 55-gallon drum of Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant. Now that's commitment.
If you've ever played Cards Against Humanity, this just might be the greatest expression of Temkin's amazingly sick sense of humor. I can't wait to see what kind of response video the Oregon militia posts once the delivery truck arrives with a 55-gallon drum of lube.
Will Rizthelmer sweep the 55-gallons of lube off the kitchen table like he did those boxes of dildos? Will the militiamen create a seasonably inappropriate Slip 'N' Slide to pass the time? Or will they please, finally, just go the f*ck away already?
Guys — get the hint. When people are sending you boxes of dildos and 55-gallon drums of lube, it's time to GTFO.