Real Resolutions: Ceilidhe W. On Being Kind To Herself
January is a month filled with resolutions. On the first day of the month, as each of us wave goodbye to the previous year, we make way for all the things we plan to do once we have a fresh slate. We ask ourselves, What will I do better this year? How will I do better? What do I want to change about myself? About my behaviors? How can I improve? Resolutions made by women by and large get a bad rap. At face value, it's so easy to assume they'll all be the same: I'm going to lose weight!; I'm going to wake up earlier!; I'll travel! but if you take a look deeper, you'll notice just how raw and real resolutions made by women — especially moms — are. They're complex, multi-layered, and they're also incredibly honest.
Mothers aren't just making resolutions for themselves. They're constantly factoring in how the things they do and say and believe will shape and influence their children. Though moms are faced with these types of decisions day in and day out, the new year provides an opportunity to look at the year as a whole and to consider all the things they plan to change and improve on. For 2017, Romper spoke to 31 different moms all over the country in an effort to highlight just how diverse, bold, and exciting their resolutions are.
Name: Ceilidhe Wynn
City and state: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
How old are your kids?: 18 months
I'm tired of hearing an internal dialogue that tells me that I'm not good enough. If someone else spoke to me the way I spoke to myself I would have cut them out of my life by now.
What resolution do you think you're supposed to make? Why do you feel this way?: I think I'm supposed to make a resolution about losing weight because that seems to be the resolution that people (and I) make every year.
What's your actual resolution this year, and why?: To be kinder to myself because I haven't been very kind to myself this year or in years past. I am my harshest critic — I always think I'm not smart enough, not funny enough, not pretty enough (and not thin enough). This isn't to say that I won't push myself to be better, but I'm tired of hearing an internal dialogue that tells me that I'm not good enough. If someone else spoke to me the way I spoke to myself I would have cut them out of my life by now.
What's the one resolution you won't make again?: I won't ever tell myself to lose weight, at New Year's or anytime of year... or at least, I'll try really hard not to, despite the pressure I otherwise feel to look a certain way.
What's one thing in your life you want to change but don't feel like you can?: In the same vein as my actual resolution, I want to feel more confident in myself but I don't know where to start.
What's one thing you did or didn't do last year that you forgive yourself for?: I didn't complete all of my writing related goals for this year. But I've also learned that the journey toward the goal is sometimes just as important or more important than the goal itself, so I've forgiven myself for that.
Do you tell your kids your resolution? Why or why not?: No (because she's too young to understand) but I won't because I don't want her to feel like making a resolution is something she has to do, too.
What specifically do you want for your kids this year?: I can honestly say that the one thing I want is for my daughter to feel safe and loved every day this year (and every day, every year if we're being really specific). Hitting more milestones, learning new skills, and her continued successful cognitive development are all nice extras but if there is one thing I have learned from parenting so far it is that if my daughter is given a safe and loving space to just be — everything else that is good will come from there. And for the destruction of the patriarchy (though that might not be specifically for her as it would benefit society as a whole.)