Kristin Dhabliwala

Real Resolutions: Kristin D. On Learning To Forgive Herself

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January is a month filled with resolutions. On the first day of the month, as each of us wave goodbye to the previous year, we make way for all the things we plan to do once we have a fresh slate. We ask ourselves, What will I do better this year? How will I do better? What do I want to change about myself? About my behaviors? How can I improve? Resolutions made by women by and large get a bad rap. At face value, it's so easy to assume they'll all be the same: I'm going to lose weight!; I'm going to wake up earlier!; I'll travel! but if you take a look deeper, you'll notice just how raw and real resolutions made by women — especially moms — are. They're complex, multi-layered, and they're also incredibly honest.

Mothers aren't just making resolutions for themselves. They're constantly factoring in how the things they do and say and believe will shape and influence their children. Though moms are faced with these types of decisions day in and day out, the new year provides an opportunity to look at the year as a whole and to consider all the things they plan to change and improve on. For 2017, Romper spoke to 31 different moms all over the country in an effort to highlight just how diverse, bold, and exciting their resolutions are.

Kristin Dhabliwala

Name: Kristin Dhabliwala

Age: 34

City and state: Cumming, Georgia

Occupation: Full-time stay-at-home mom

How old are your kids?: I have a son, age 4 years old; a daughter, age 2 years old; and my youngest daughter is 5 months old

What resolution do you think you're supposed to make? Why do you feel this way?: To be a "better mom." I feel like social media has made us too conscientious as parents... we read article after article after blog after opinion after Google search, etc. about a gazillion conflicting ways to do every aspect of parenting (from not letting them "w sit" to whether to let them cry it out or not). So to be a better mom in one way or another feels like something we all should be striving for, when really, I think most of us are all doing just fine. All that said, I certainly do think there are specific ways we all feel we can improve in our various roles, mom role included.

What's your actual resolution this year, and why?: To not get into a power struggle with my kids and end up yelling! Especially with my 4 year old. And no, not because I read a blog post about how I am harming their psyche, or causing them to have nightmares or lowering their intelligence or something crazy, but because I don't like it, and it's not working for me and the relationship I'd like [to have] with my kids.

I think at times yelling at them was warranted, and other times I took it too far and felt I was a bit mean with my words. I apologize to my kids if I feel I hurt their feelings, and I forgive myself.

What's the one resolution you won't make again?: Anything that is too vague or too generalized. Having a specific behavior or plan or habit to focus on makes resolutions feel less daunting and more likely for me to achieve.

What's one thing in your life you want to change but don't feel like you can?: I'd like to establish a routine in order to be able to accomplish more tasks and to help my kids know what's expected and possibly help mitigate the arguing and power struggles. However, I am not really wired to be strict about a schedule or to put a baby down to sleep if he or she is going to cry and cry, so I am often holding and/or breastfeeding a baby, which limits what I'm able to do throughout the day. Hopefully, I can come up with some sort of happy medium.

What's one thing you did or didn't do last year that you forgive yourself for?: One thing I did was yell at my kids. I think at times yelling at them was warranted, and other times I took it too far and felt I was a bit mean with my words. I apologize to my kids if I feel I hurt their feelings, and I forgive myself.

Do you tell your kids your resolution? Why or why not?: Not this year. My son would use it against me! ("Mom, you said you were going to not {insert "argue", "yell", or "be mean" here} but you are! I WANT CHOCOLATE SO LET ME HAVE CHOCOLATE!")

What specifically do you want for your kids this year?: If I could set resolutions for my kids I would have my son work on arguing less (the apple doesn't fall too far!!) and listening the first time, and for my daughter to work on being more flexible and following directions. And for the baby, well, to just keep smiling and growing!