Let's Talk About How Much I Wish The Birthie Stick Was An Actual *Thing*

by Cat Bowen

Do everything for the 'gram — even childbirth. OK that might be pushing influencer status, but the idea is hilarious, which is why the folks at Prank Pack decided to make a prank box mock-up to fool your loved into thinking that you bought them the "Birthie Stick."

The prank box is, of course, empty, and designed to be filled with the real gift, but it's the box itself that is the true prize. Perfect for that family member who documents anything and everything on social media, the "Birthie Stick" is just like a selfie stick, but designed to be mounted between the knees of the person giving birth. The package reads that the “Birthie Stick is sturdy and fully adjustable, allowing you to capture every contraction with confidence."

Thank goodness for that. Because the picture shows the stick mounted between the knees, which is great if you're laboring on your back. You could point the camera wherever you feel comfortable. However, you need the adjustability if you plan on laboring in different positions, such as on a birthing stool, or in the squatting position. The birthie stick really needs to stretch to accommodate those positions. Not to mention, they're claiming it's a universal fit. I am 6 feet tall, and the wingspan of my knees when I'm shoving a child out of my nether regions is vast like the Mississippi River. My best friend? She is lifting her heels to hit 5 feet. For this stick to fit on both of us, it really needs those stems to telescope. (Not that this is something you want to share. Seems a bit dodgy on the hygiene.)

"Turn your birth into a viral sensation!" reads this prank package. The Birthie Stick is also multifunctional, serving as both cinematographer and doula, with the package reading "Save time and money by using the Birthie Stick with the new HouseCall app. Just log-on once your water breaks, and a board-certified obstetrician will walk you through the birth from the comfort of well... anywhere!" That's great service.

Think of all of the health class possibilities. While many of us wait to take the first pic for social media until after we've pooped on the table and had something that vaguely resembles a pile of zombie jello come from our loins, those who use this stick to upload the stream will have no such filter. (I mean, unless they're using one. I suggest the Paris filter.)

Creator Brandi Rae James proclaims of this fake product, “Why selfishly live in a moment when you can be sharing it with the world? That question is what led me to create the Birthie Stick. After watching too many boring, low-quality delivery room videos, I knew my angel’s arrival needed breakthrough cinematography."

It's a great gift from in-laws who were denied entry into the delivery room. "Now we can be right there, without being right there." It's especially great because the delivering mother can use it like a baton to keep uninvited people out of the delivery room when the nurses aren't present. (If you weren't there when it went in, you don't get to be there when it comes out, thank you and good night.)

Truthfully, the Birthie Stick is a hilarious gag gift that is really perfect for wrapping up a baby shower or holiday present. If my niece weren't just minutes away from delivering her new baby, I'd absolutely buy this for her just to see her and my nephew's reaction.