Doing the deed is one thing, but having an honest, sit down discussion about the damn thing is another story. Not everyone has the confidence of a sexual goddess to talk openly about their every need, desire, and kinky fantasy. Perhaps it feel embarrassing or you fear being rejected, so you decide to keep those thoughts to yourself. But keeping an open dialogue going between you and your SO about sex is important, especially when things don't seem to be feeling quite right. Having the courage to tackle the one question to ask your partner when your sex life feels off could make all the difference in your relationship.
If you've had a nagging feeling that something is not jiving in bed with you and your partner, it's time to ask, "What can we do to have a more satisfying sex life?" Putting this one question out there will open the doors to a discussion that gives you both the opportunity to express the concerns, ideas, and thoughts you have about your sex life. The use of the word "we" in that question neutralizes the conversation, showing that no one person is to blame for things being less than satisfying — and it promotes the idea that your partnership and sex life are an ongoing compromise, according to Health.com.
To keep the talk going in a productive direction, Psychology Today suggested using some conversation prompts to help you talk about sex, which will give you and your partner the chance to share what's on your mind. According to the website, you should, "pick a time where you’re both relatively relaxed and open to connecting with each other." The site also advises that you keep the conversation light and support each other to be honest. This creates an atmosphere of trust and will make both of you feel safe to express your feelings without the fear of judgement.
Choosing the right time and place to have this confab is also key. As the website Our Bodies Ourselves pointed out, "find a time to talk with your partner(s) when you are not having sex and there’s no pressure to respond right away." It may also feel more comfortable to have this conversation somewhere other than the bedroom. Although the subject matter should be taken seriously, keeping the vibe and setting more laid back gives the situation a more natural flow.
Putting the conversation in motion is the first step in bringing your sex life to the place you want it to be. You have tossed out the rope for your partner to grab by asking what would make for a more satisfying sex life, but you may have to be patient before getting it on gets better. As the Wall Street Journal pointed out, all issues may not be resolved in one conversation, and multiple talks about your sex life may be needed to find solutions. Try not to be discouraged if sparks don't start flying after one sitting. If you keep working as a team and talking honestly, things will eventually get sorted out.
Whether sex with your partner has taken a turn, or just doesn't seem to be feeling on point, it's time to start a dialogue. Avoiding the topic will only put more space and awkwardness between the two of you. If you never initiate the conversation, you sex life will hang in that weird space of you both knowing something isn't quite right. Better to move in a positive direction that gives you both a chance to speak your mind, and in the end, enjoy your intimacy in a way that you both find satisfying.