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The One Thing Everyone Gets Wrong About Moms And Sex

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There are many phases you might encounter during the course of a long-term relationship, one of them being (possibly, if you choose and are able to) the decision to make a baby. During this particular phase, your sex life could potentially take a bit of a hit, especially when a baby enters the picture. However, there is a grotesque misconception that highlights the one thing everyone gets wrong about moms and sex: when women become mothers, we also become prudes and our sex drives all but fall away entirely during the months that we carry our children and the years after they're born. I mean, the fact that we were "getting it on" frequently enough to create a human being is a pretty good indication that our sex lives were no-so-bad once upon a time, and that we're sexual people by nature. So, why would anyone assume that we'd have no interest in regaining that aspect of our lives once we've successfully procreated?

Contrary to popular belief, mothers want to maintain their friendships with lust and desire before, during, and after pregnancy. For me, having sex while pregnant wasn't the easiest feat, but it was one of the only things that made me feel like I wasn't a prisoner of my impregnated body. Yes, once my baby arrived the thought of anything coming within a foot of my lady bits sort of made me want to cringe, but that doesn't mean I wasn't mentally and emotionally ready to do the deed. It just meant that my body was healing from the grueling act of labor and delivery. And although my partner and I couldn't have sex for what may have seemed like a tortuous amount of time, we (and many mothers and their significant others) were dying to hop back into bed. I know that I can't speak for everyone, but I'm simply trying to make the point that mothers aren't bored, sexless, watered-down zombies with no physical desires whatsoever.

If you're surprised by this, you shouldn't be. I'm not sure why everyone assumes that once a woman has a child her sex life is DOA. Yes, our sex lives change once a baby enters the picture but that doesn't mean that we've lost all desire to be physical.

We might not want it as frequently as we did in college (and honestly, with a baby running around, we're a little pressed for time) but that doesn't mean that we have given up all hope of ever being sexual again. It doesn't mean that we no longer want to be intimate with our partners or multiple partners. It definitely doesn't mean that we don't want to enjoy our body in a way that doesn't involve breastfeeding or labor or delivery or any other aspect of motherhood. In fact, I've got news for you: we not only want to be sexual, we need to be sexual.

Again, because it is worth repeating, I can't speak for everyone. Some women don't feel sexual during pregnancy or after pregnancy, and that is just as normal as a woman who is feeling sexy all day every day. Honestly, a woman's body experiences a lot of changes during and after pregnancy, and sometimes those changes can do a number on self-esteem and hormones and overall physicality. It can take a little bit of adjusting to feel comfortable in a new shell you're just starting to explore and learn about, but knowing that someone still desires you and finds you physically appealing is a great way (for some) to warm up to a new body.

After kids, mothers spend a good portion of their lives placing the needs of others at the top, and their own needs at the bottom, of a very lengthy list. Sadly, this is the bi-product of a society that has convinced women that motherhood and martyrdom are synonymous. Among those discarded needs of almost any mother is the need to feel desired by her partner or partners, and the need to feel appealing and attractive and wanted in a physical way. That doesn't necessarily mean that we're prepared to hop into bed 24/7, but many of us do still have the desire (at the very least).

We're not dried up prudes incapable of feeling physical desire; we're not shells of our former selves; we didn't cease to be human beings and are, now, void of very basic human needs; and, yes, we're capable of thinking about something outside the realm of play dates and diapers and nap schedules. If anything, we need sexual pleasure and contact and intimacy more than anyone. We need the physical attention and connection that accompanies a sexual relationship, and we need the escape that doing the deed can grant us. We need to feel like ourselves.

So please, for the love of all that is holy, stop assuming that moms are sexless, washed up robots with no physical aspirations whatsoever. It couldn't be farther from the truth. We're human beings with human desires and, you guessed it, sex is definitely one of them.