If you've been dutifully following the Marvel Cinematic Universe over the last decade, it's time to prepare for the most "Shut up and take my money" moment yet, because the trailer for Avengers: Infinity War is finally here, and people are so excited. More than two dozen movies and series have all been leading up to the ultimate battle between good and evil, and now fans are getting their first glimpse at it. Unfortunately, it's a painfully tiny glimpse; at two-and-a-half minutes long, that averages out to about 10 seconds per superhero, and fans are left with so many questions.
They are, to name but a few: Is Vision a real boy now, and is he dating Wanda Maximoff? Did Peter Parker just develop his Spidey Sense? What the heck is that giant ring in the sky? What's up with Steve Rogers' and Natasha Romaoff's new hairdos? Was that Hela? Where are Ant-Man and Hawkeye? How did Thanos get those Infinity Stones? Where is the last one? How did Thor end up with the Guardians of the Galaxy? How can they fit all these characters into just one movie (or two, if you believe the rumors)? And what the heck are we going to do with ourselves for the next five months?
It appears that the Avengers et. al. are still split up following the events of Civil War, but each faction is adding to their numbers, and we can assume that at some point, they'll all be back together. In the trailer, it appears that Hulk, Iron Man, and Dr. Strange are all chilling at the Sanctum Sanctorum in New York while Spider-Man is still stuck riding the school bus, but eventually, he'll get to play with the big kids.
Meanwhile, Thor and the Guardians (now with bonus Mantis) are in space, presumably on the way to Earth, and the Ragnarok theories about Loki and the Tesseract have now been confirmed — SPOILER ALERT — it looks like he did, indeed, steal the artifact containing the Mind Stone from Odin's vault before destroying Asgard, and now he's given it to Thanos, who also appears to have snagged the Space Stone (last seen in the hands of Nova Corps in the Guardians of the Galaxy).
Shh, nobody tell this Hiddlestan that you can clearly see the Mind Stone in Thanos' Infinity Gauntlet in the trailer, meaning that once again, Loki did the exact wrong thing. Come on, man, he's Loki!
Finally, Black Panther seems to be hosting Captain America, Black Widow, Falcon, and the Winter Soldier (now a good guy) in Wakanda, where they'll get a little help from Danai Gurira's Okoye, who we'll get to know in Black Panther, which premieres in February. I'm hopeful that film will also explain Cap and Widow's hair, because seriously, what is going on there?
We are all dead, but we must soldier on, because we need to know who else is dead before we can die, right?
Yeah, yeah, comic book fans have been warning movie fans for years that "everyone dies," but Marvel movies don't always follow the comics. Of course, it kinda looks like Vision is getting killed in the damn trailer, but it's not like we got that attached to him, anyway. We can stand to lose a few characters.
But not Peter, don't you dare touch Peter. He's just a child! Take Bucky and Hawkeye and leave us with the rest.
After enjoying the last decade of carefully crafted characters and backstories leading up to the ultimate team-up of superheroes, we may not know who dies next May, but we definitely know who died on Wednesday morning...
Ouch. Lesson learned: don't rush it. We'll wait another couple years for part 2.
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