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The Two-Week Wait As Stream-Of-Consciousness Rant

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336 hours. That’s how long the two-week wait is. That’s approximately how long I have to wait to take a pregnancy test. Unless I get super antsy and try to test early. Which never goes well. Gah! Can time please fly?

These two weeks are the ultimate waiting game from “we just had sex and I’m in my fertile window” to “OK, it’s finally testing day.” The two-week wait. The 14 days where I try to focus on everything else in my life while simultaneously calculating my potential due date, brainstorming names, and stopping myself from signing up from a monthly hair bow club … you know, just in case it’s a girl.

This month, we aren’t even trying. Actually, we’re not trying at all.

Thanks to the years of tracking my cycle, I’m keenly aware of how this whole getting pregnant thing works though. Some months I even feel my ovulation. And well, when sperm comes into play… babies are often made.

So, I wait. And I wonder. Am I in the infinitesimal moments of a new baby? Or is Aunt Flo revving up? What kind of surprise am I in store for?

I’d be due in March. Isn’t that a fun month? No other holidays to compete with.

Some mamas claim they know the moment they conceive. They just feel it. They know they’re not alone. Or symptoms kick in quickly. Me? One of my pregnancies I didn’t take a test until nine weeks. Now, that scenario was unique, my menstrual cycle hadn’t returned because I was still nursing a little one so my main clue was MIA, but still, I had so few symptoms (and ignored the ones I did have) in those early days that I was totally caught off guard!

This time though, I’m counting down the hours. I mean, I could test a few days early, right? Maybe just with a dollar store test so I’m not wasting money. That would only make the wait 10 days. Or 11. Or twelve. Because, for a dollar you better believe I’m going to test every single morning until my period arrives… or doesn’t arrive.

I’d be due in March.

Isn’t that a fun month? No other holidays to compete with. The beginning of spring, but still cold enough that my newborn can wear all the cute hats and cozy outfits. And by summer they’d be alert enough to really enjoy some adventures. It seems March is the perfect month. I think I’m really hoping for a positive.

Target got me. That stinkin’ Cat & Jack line! I bought one thing. I wanted at least ten. If I’m not pregnant and don’t need it, I know I’ll be invited to a baby shower soon, so it’s totally ok. Some sweet baby will get to look cute in it. But wow, I’m sure putting all my apples in one basket. And, to carry on that analogy, I honestly don’t think I can manage an apple pie come spring. Another baby? Am I crazy?!? I’m not cut out for one more! Maybe I don’t want to see a positive. Maybe I’m not ready...

A new baby boy would be loved and welcome just the same. Bring on the boys! In fact, if it’s a boy, I’m considering 'Crew.'

I think I’d name her after my mom. Or maybe a blend of my mom and my sister’s names. That would be really special. Do I want a girl more? Just because I have a good girl name in mind? That’s so lame. I adore my sons. A new baby boy would be loved and welcome just the same. Bring on the boys! In fact, if it’s a boy, I’m considering "Crew." Short, hip, fabulous. Is that too copycat with JoAnna Gaines though? I mean, she’ll never know, but will everyone around me think I’m a diehard DIY-er (which I am not)? I think I’ll text my best friend and fill her in on all my inner turmoil. The maybe due date, the pending period, the name ideas. She’ll help me balance it all.

You know what, when push comes to shove, my official vote is in… no baby for me. I really can’t take feeling sick and labor is truly awful. I want my period. In fact, I really really really hope in comes. I recently switched to a menstrual cup and it’s the best. I no longer dread my periods and girls, if you haven’t tried one of these yet, order one now! Your next period thanks you. IN just a few days I’ll see a negative. I have to.

I’m sleeping so poorly. There are just so many things rushing through my mind. All. The. Possibilities. Or wait, is insomnia an early sign of pregnancy? Rushes to Google to find out.

In just a day now it will be time to test. Unless my period beats me to it. And I do feel a little crampy ( is that implantation, real cramps? I JUST WANT TO KNOW.) This is the longest day on Earth. 24 hours? No way! More like 24,000.

It's hard to live in the moment, and the two-week wait makes you live inside infinite possible futures all at the same time. Positive or negative test, coming baby or no, babies are blessings. If I have another, I’ll cherish that little one. And if I don’t, that leaves me more energy to pour into the small infinities I already have.