Life

These 'Christmas Vacation' Lights Will Make Aunt Bethany Ask If Your House Is On Fire

If having "250 strands of lights, 100 individual bulbs per strand, for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights," is on your holiday wish list, look no further than this Christmas Vacation lights project pack from Ace Hardware.

Well, if you purchase 62 packs. However, technology has come a long way since the release of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. These bulbs are four times brighter than the ones that Clark Griswold used, so you'll need far fewer of them. Just make sure that you cat doesn't inadvertently bite through the cords for the lights and fry itself. It really ruins the holiday.

The lights are commercial quality, LED soft white lights, and only $50. As someone who just spent more than that on a spool of lights that are not as tangle-free as these are, I am kind of cheesed I did not know these existed. Think of how much I could teach kids about exterior illumination with this box of Christmas cheer. (Bonus points if you don't dump a bowl of eggnog over the first family member that tells you some of the little lights aren't twinkling. Even more bonus points if you flip the whole town's breakers.)

I remember spending hours driving around town as a kid to look at Christmas light displays. One home was always a standout and had the best display of lights of anyone in the tiny township. The home was owned by a prominent orthopedic surgeon, and I remember thinking that I needed to be a doctor if I really wanted to do Christmas right. Decades later, I'm obviously not a doctor, but I do Christmas in a manner that would make even him proud. Decorating for the holiday is a true joy for me, making me feel connected to the meaning of the holiday through the ritual of putting up lights and decorating the tree. And if a pack of lights inspired by Clark Griswold is available, then of course it's going to be the hap-hap-happiest holiday since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny f'n Kaye.