In college, making friends was as easy as leaving your dorm room door open and participating in obligatory welcome week freshmen activities. But making mom friends is another world entirely — and there's that whole "having a kid" thing to make it even more interesting. That's what makes mom groups such a lifesaver for so many women: "mom-araderie" is a necessity, especially in those early months. But like so much of parenthood, there are plenty of harsh realities at opposition with what we imagined it would be like — and that's what makes this mom's post about joining a mom group totally real AF and almost Mean Girls-like.
A mom on Reddit shared a post in r/Parenting about how she "failed to be recruited by a mom group." The post, and her process of joining said mom group, begins innocently enough. After meeting another mom on the playground, the Reddit mom was invited to join a moms group. Fun, right? Turns out it was way more "work" than for what she originally bargained:
That's when one of the moms reached out to me and asked me what my "mom friends goal" was and how I was going to get there. I was pretty perplexed at that question, what does it even mean? So I asked her what did she mean and she said that to put it simple, they had criteria for their mom friends and that they just wanted to make sure I was on the same page.
From there, it only got more intense. This mom group expected members to meet at least three times a week for "play dates and chit-chats." Forget mom squad goals, this is straight up "may has well be a part-time job" territory. When the Reddit mom expressed her concerns about being unable to commit to such a rigorous meeting schedule, the moms wanted to know why she even joined in the first place. Yikes.
Hang on a minute... isn't the point of mom groups to let the kiddos entertain themselves while the mamas get to b*tch about motherhood? When Excel spreadsheets and Google calendars are getting involved, being in a mom group feels like another extra added layer of responsibility, and that is the last thing a mom needs when she's got her hands full with one or more kids.
There are some moms who swear by the power of the mom group, while others refuse to join a mom group. It's a super hard balancing act — but then again, what about being a mom isn't a crazy test of personal balance these days — because on the one hand, support from women who can validate your experience is so important, as is getting your kid to make friends and socialize. But when it starts to feel like a chore, as this Redditor shared, it kind of defeats the purpose.
And if you're a total introvert (like me!) who freaks out at the idea of just making small talk with strangers, the thought of mom groups might fill you with sheer agoraphobic terror. Oh, and then there's mom group drama, because of course that's a thing. Just what I always wanted: desperately trying to escape high school cliques only to be thrust into mom group cliques now that I have a child. It's like Mean Girls, but for moms. Mean Moms. One reddit commenter with the screen name Ralliah made that comparison:
Christ, high school never ends for some people. Do they also wear pink on Wednesdays?
There are endless t-shirts, mugs, mouse pads, and water bottles bearing the phrase, "Mommin' ain't easy" — and there's some serious truth to power in that statement, however trite it may be. But with everything moms have to worry about, trying to find mom friends shouldn't be this fraught. Can't we all just mom along?