Ever feel like almost performing the title track from a critically-reviewed, limited-reality series A Little Bit Alexis, but make it social distance? Then do I have the mask for you. This Shitt's Creek face mask will have you saying "Ew. David," to absolutely every passerby. What could be better?
As any fan of Schitt's Creek can tell you, "Ew, David," is the favored catchphrase of Alexis Rose, the much beleaguered sister of David Rose. He eats her yogurt, makes lewd comments, and well, they're siblings living in a motel room together. It's not easy. And she says his whole name, all the time, almost every time she addresses him. That's what makes this Shitt's Creek mask so perfect. You don't just read it, you hear it with your soul. Where the Alexis magic happens.
Yes, she's a (formerly) rich, spoiled woman with no sense of personal boundaries, a shifting work ethic, and overinflated sense of her own skills as a musician, but she's important — at least to her. She is very important to her, and if she were a real person, and not the brainchild of genius Daniel Levy, then she would absolutely be wearing the most-fashionable of face masks, because, ew, David, she doesn't want to spread germs, that would be so rude. And let's be honest, we might be more Moira Rose at this point than Alexis, but she would more likely wear a bejeweled bespoke mask to match one of her wigs, and that just seems like a lot of work.
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Since the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommended in early April that Americans wear a cloth covering when out of their homes, masks have gone from a niche market to a huge business. This Schitt's Creek mask just happens to be one of my favorites. It's a unisex adult fit in two layers of a soft fabric, with gentle ear hooks. Remember, when you're wearing a cotton face covering, you're not doing it to protect yourself from immediate danger directly. You are doing it so that you don't accidentally spread the virus to others, which thereby flattens the curve, and hopefully delays the spread of the virus. It's the right thing to do, so why not make it funny?