We all know at least one of those "perfect" parents who always seems to have all their sh*t together. Their kids come to school fashionably dressed and with impeccably-styled hair. And you can bet they'll always have a homemade, organic packed lunch that's never forgotten on the kitchen counter. The mom is fit, chic, and always pleasant. Her car and home are both immaculate. All the while, the rest of us are gawking in awe. How can this woman "do it all" so effortlessly while I'm struggling every single day to just keep my kids alive and make sure the basics are covered? What am I doing wrong? That's probably why this viral post about hot mess moms is relatable AF.
Danielle Silverstein and Farrah Maliavsky, the mom duo behind the blog "Where The Eff Is My Handbook" hit the nail on the head with a recent Facebook confessional. Penned by Silverstein, the post begins with, "Ok, full disclosure: I really AM a hot-mess mom. I am consistently five steps behind where I should be in the world of responsible adulting." (Wait, you mean I'm not alone in feeling like I'm drowning in my responsibilities? Do continue.) What Silverstein does next is essentially give all of the hot mess mom out there permission to be exactly who they are. Mind = blown. "Like, for real," she wrote. "Never once have I thought to myself, 'OMG, I think I’m actually tackling this whole parenthood thing.' Nope. Not once." She continued:
Do I think I’m a good mom? Yeah, I really do. But I don’t have it all together by any stretch of the imagination. And that’s ok. I’m realizing. I’m not so sure having it together and being a good mom are even synonymous. I don’t think it’s any reflection on, well, anything, in my opinion. So, I’m coming forward to say it to everyone...I’m a hot mess. And I kinda just want to embrace it and move on, cause I have more important issues on which to dwell.
Silverstein goes on to list all of the mannerisms that make her a "hot mess mom." (If you're still not sure if you qualify, check out this BuzzFeed article. You'll know pretty quickly.) As for Silverstein, she doesn't do the dishes every night before going to bed — she does them whenever she damn well pleases. And folding laundry? Pshht! Just grab 'em out of the dryer in the morning. She's also the mom who consistently forgets to sign school forms, neglects to RSVP to birthday parties, yells at her kids in the mornings because they're running late, allows unlimited screen time most days, and has frightening piles of school papers and projects lying around her house.
But you know what? Despite her hot-mess tendencies, Silverstein acknowledges she's also a pretty kick-a*s parent. "I’m also that mom whose kids are safe. I’m also that mom whose kids are, for the most part, happy. I’m also that mom whose home has lots of love and laughter. I’m also that mom who cheers on her kids and is their biggest fan." She continued:
I’m also that mom who is constantly working to show her kids they are accepted no matter what. I’m also that mom who takes her kids to do cool stuff and have great experiences. I’m also that mom who loves being a mom.I’m definitely a hot-mess mom, but dammit, I’m still pretty fabulous. MY FELLOW HOT-MESS MOMS….YOU ARE DAMN FABULOUS!!!!
If the comments on this liberating post are any indication, there are way more hot-mess moms out there than we may think. "I can relate to every single word of this. Thank you," one Facebook user wrote. "Thanks for sharing this. Always nice to know I'm not the only hot mess around," another person commented. Other moms even chimed in confessing their hot-mess tendencies. "On my way to school this morning, I'm like 'wait, do you have underwear on?' To my 3 year old...lol," one mom commented.
"I'm a mom who let's the kids have ice cream for breakfast, so there will be no fighting on the way to school," another parent revealed.
"I'm that mom who packs her kid in the car and shows up to their pediatrician appointment a week early, because I asked the date of the appointment 3 different times in the same phone conversation with the receptionist... but still put the date wrong on the calendar," yet another honest mom commented.
One Facebook user summed it up perfectly, writing, "A clean kitchen is much less important than happy, well adjusted kids that know they are the most important things in your life." Amen, sister!
The next time I start getting down on myself about the state of my home — or consider hiding from the fancy moms at school drop-off, like this mom did — I'm going to remember this: I'm not alone. Sure, there are parents who seem like they have their sh*t all together. (And who knows, maybe they do.) But I have no idea the sacrifices it took to uphold this appearance. For all I know, their homes looks like a tornado hit and they feel just as stressed out as I do. So here's to embracing our hot-mess mom attributes and not being afraid to let our true colors shine through. Because we're all just trying to muddle through this parenting journey the best we know how.
Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.