Let’s talk about sex (after) baby. For some new moms, postpartum sex is something to look forward to, especially if they are feeling more feminine, confident, and hormonal (in a good way) than ever before. Kuddos to those women! But many new moms don’t feel that sexual spark, for a variety of reasons, like physically recovering from delivery or mentally recouping from pregnancy. Not to mention that the demands of a newborn can make you too tired for sex after baby.
When it comes to your sex drive after childbirth, what’s normal for you is normal — period. It’s totally natural to feel self-conscious about your changing body, or worried that sex after childbirth is going to hurt. But regardless, you need to let your partner know how you’re feeling. It can be hard to talk about, but communicating your problems or fears can make a big difference in your relationship. And how will you be able to make things better together if your partner has no idea what gets you hot or leaves you completely, totally cold? Here are seven reasons you may not feel like having sex after baby and tips to help you navigate the touchy (or sometimes not-touchy-enough) subject or postpartum sex.
1. You're Just so Tried
Of course you’re tired! You have a new baby! As BabyCenter notes, it’s totally natural to feel that postpartum fatigue getting in the way of getting busy. This is great opportunity for you to ask your partner to pitch in so that you can get some rest. But remember, this is not a “quid pro quo” arrangement (No promising to sleep with your SO if they let you nap.) It’s about resting and recovering so that you can get back in the mood.
2. You're Not Feeling Sexy
Your body’s changing, your hormones are on a roller coaster ride, and your partner may or may not have witnessed a mid-childbirth poop incident. These are all legitimate reasons to feel less than sexy after having a baby. If that’s what’s stopping you from having sex, let your partner know so that he or she can reassure you of your sex appeal.
3. You're Scared It's Going To Hurt
After putting the lower part of your body through the miraculous experience that is childbirth, it’s natural to worry about painful postpartum sex. And the truth is, sex after baby can be uncomfortable at first. It’s fine to wait till you’re feel better physically, but if you’re eager to jump your partner’s bones then talk to them beforehand. Figure out which positions can ease the discomfort (and the anxiety), and invest in some products to aid with vaginal dryness (hello KY!)
4. You Don’t Want To Get Pregnant Again
You might be ready to get back into the sexy swing of things, but you aren’t eager to get pregnant again. Find a method of birth control that works for you (and no, breastfeeding doesn’t count as birth control.) Then you can concentrate of having sex again without worrying about how to subdivide the nursery.
5. You Don't Have Any Time
Between feedings, doctor appointments, and endless loads of laundry, sex doesn’t always feel like much of a priority. And although this doesn’t sound super sexy, creating a sex schedule could be the best ways to reignite your relationship after baby.
6. You Feel Touched Out
Nursing your baby, rocking him to sleep, kissing her good night – it’s a magical and amazing feeling. Except that when it’s your partner’s turn for some physical contact, you’re all, “I don’t think so.” You're touched out, which is a common feeling and one you shouldn’t feel bad about. Explain to your partner that you need a little time before you can feel intimate again.
7. You Just Don't Feel Like It
Hormones can throw some serious cold water on your postpartum libido, especially if you’re nursing. Talk about this honestly with your partner, and make time for other types of intimacy so that you both can feel that special closeness even if it doesn’t involve sex.