When I think of celebrities who share hilarious parenting stories and/or advice, I tend to think along the lines of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, and John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. You know, the stars who have kids on the younger side and who are "hot" in today's pop culture. However, it has since become clear to me that I'm missing out on a lot of amazing laughs. Because
Wanda Sykes' funniest parenting quotes show what a wild and weird rollercoaster motherhood is. What Parents Are Talking About — Delivered Straight To Your Inbox
You might have heard that Wanda Sykes has a new Netflix special,
Not Normal — which dropped on the streaming service on May 21, according to Deadline. In it, the stand-up comedian shares a number of family anecdotes involving her 10-year-old twins, Olivia and Lucas, with wife Alex Niedbalski. (And I mean, can you blame her? Raising kids is practically a gold mine when the topic is "not normal.")
Well, if you haven't already watched the hour-long Netflix special, then I have a feeling you're going to want to ASAP after reading this list of her funniest parenting quotes. Because despite the fact that Sykes is a 30-year comedy veteran, I had no idea I could relate to her at the level that I do. Like ...
When She Said Parenthood Was Way Harder Than She Expected Jason Carter Rinaldi/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
In October 2016, Sykes explained what is was like adjusting to motherhood with twins. And I'm sure plenty of twin (and non-twin) parents can relate. “I was like
oh my God what did we do?" she told Vulture. "At one time I was contemplating taking one back. I was like, can we return one? I mean really, oh my gosh. I was thinking we can’t do this, we’re going to have to take one back.” LOL. When She Perfectly Nailed What Mother's Day Is Like John Sciulli/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
When it comes to Mother's Day, it's the thought that counts, right? Except, let's get real: Most of those homemade cards and crafts aren't nearly as awesome as we make them out to be. “They’re 7, so to me, I’d just rather have a hug and a ‘Happy Mother’s Day!’ But when they’re that age ― and moms know ― you have to be a good actress," Sykes told Ellen DeGeneres in 2016. "That’s when you gotta turn into Meryl Streep. Seriously, because they give you gifts that are just ... [sighs] ... So I just had to go ‘Oh that’s amazing! Oh that’s so beautiful!’ And they were so proud. But now I understand why athletes buy their moms a house when they make it ― because
they really should to make up for this crap!"
Glad to know I'm not the only one who gets "crap" gifts every May.
That Time She Perfectly Captured The Essence Of Motherhood Emma McIntyre/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Motherhood is wonderful, right? But also exhausting. But so worth it. But can I take a nap now? Wanda Sykes knows the beautiful struggle. “It is truly a blessing.
But I’m going to be tired for the rest of my life," she said, according to PopSugar. "When you’re up at 3 o’clock in the morning, and they pee on you, you just have to smile.” When She Accurately Described What Having Kids Does To Your House Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
I don't know about you, but I constantly find myself thinking, "And this is why we can't have nice things." Because honestly, having kids is the quickest way to depreciate the value of your home. And Wanda Sykes knows this all too well. “
Having kids is like hiring an interior decorator just to [mess] up your house," she has said, as part of her stand-up comedy routine. "‘Do you have any applesauce or mint jelly? I need to put that in your cushions." It's like she personally knows my children. When She Shared How She Disciplines Her Kids Without Spanking
Back when Wanda Sykes' twins were 2, she shared with Ellen DeGeneres that she and her wife agreed they weren't going to spank them. In only a way Sykes can, she described a way she "punishes" her toddlers that requires no spanking.
"Like the other day, Lucas didn't want to listen. He was standing on the table, and I kept telling him, 'Get down, get down,'" she told DeGeneres. "
So I just gave him a couple of chip clips to play with. You see a kid playing with a chip clip? It's fun at first, but the next thing you know, they stick their little fingers in there. It's going to end up on their fingers or on their lip." It's genius, right?