Wedding Bouncy Castles Are A Thing Now, So BRB, I'm Renewing My Vows

Weddings are out of control with all the llama themes, miniature donkeys dressed in morning jackets, and entire weekend-long events with multiple parties. To be honest, none of that seemed particularly exciting to me. Farm animals poop, photo booths are cool but claustrophobic, and if I'm not willing to go to your weekend in the Caribbean, I'm not going to make you come to mine. But now that wedding bouncy houses are a thing, I'm starting to see the appeal of trendy wedding kitsch.

As of right now, there is only one company in the United States renting out bouncy house castles, but worry not, because they ship nationwide. The large bounce house is 20 feet by 20 feet and will cost you $1100 for the rental, plus shipping ($0-$400). They are gorgeous, white inflatable castles that can be decorated with flowers and tulle for an additional fee.

Imagine your guests entering your reception to the sounds of Drake, and a fresh pair of socks handed to them at the door. Confusion might set in temporarily, but then, upon seeing the giant bouncy house, delight soon wins the day. You've never seen a party until you've seen a bunch of grown adults geek out over a bounce house.

Everyone loves a bouncy house. Sure, more than a few of us — myself included — broke an ankle, or a wrist, or both, in a bounce house as a kid. But, to be fair, it was the '90s, and our parents just took off our shoes and threw us in a 15 foot by 15 foot bounce castle with 20 other kids and let us fend for ourselves. Surely they never guessed that all the kids would make the one girl sit at an end of the bounce house while they all congregated on the other end and jumped, sending her flying through the air so hard that she landed outside the castle. Surely the could not have foreseen that happening. A wedding bouncy castle makes so much more sense. We're all adults. We know better. Right? (Maybe no open bar.)

I cannot believe that this did not exist when I got married. There was literally nothing cool about weddings when my butt walked down the aisle. You see, I am an old millennial who married young. In my day, (read that in your best old lady voice) we all bought our dresses at David's Bridal, burned mix CDs as favors, and if you were really fancy, you might let off some butterflies after saying your "I dos." It was a simpler time, and our pictures suffered horribly for all the glitter in the eyeshadow we wore.

Celebrating my wedding in the year 2004, the only activity available to us at the time was an open bar, the "Cha Cha Slide," and an overly inebriated set of groomsmen looking to hook up with literally anything as soon as cocktail hour ended and the pictures were taken. This bouncy house could have made a real difference and possibly prevented more than a few bad dates.

Since wedding bouncy castles are a thing now, I think we can do away with all the pooping farm animals. It's not that I'm not excited to meet your wedding chicken, I'm just saying that it crapped on my shoe and didn't even have the decency to lay me an egg. I mean, seriously.

If you choose to have a wedding bouncy castle, might I suggest adding that bit of info to the invite? Because I know that many a dress I wear to weddings are not bounce castle friendly, and I might want a change of clothes. Or at least knickers. And you should definitely provide monogrammed socks for the occasion, because while you might be the couple who has a bouncy house reception, you're still classy AF.