What Happened To Kevin From 'Home Alone' When He Grew Up? It's Pretty Dark, Guys — VIDEO

by Chrissy Bobic

It's a pretty universal opinion that Home Alone is one of the greatest Christmas movies of our time. And it's equally as agreed upon that Macaulay Culkin was the cutest kid actor of the '90s (don't argue unless you wanna fight). We've seen the actor appear in some cult favorites over the years, including Saved and Party Monster, but we never really found out what happened to Kevin McCallister, the tiny protagonist of Home Alone — until now.

In musician and comic Jack Dishel's new YouTube web series ":DRYVRS" Culkin is the featured star of the first ever episode, playing the McCallister boy all grown up and harboring plenty of resentment toward his parents for neglecting him (twice!) on Christmas years ago. I think it's safe to say that we've all been waiting for a gem like this, as an adult Culkin reprises his role with his famed character but uses all of the cigarette-smoking, curse word-using charm of adulthood.

The only downside is that Dishel plans to have a new guest car driver in every episode, making this Cuilkin's probably only appearance, but who knows? Maybe if enough of us Home Alone freaks give enough love to this debut episode, maybe we'll see adult Kevin McCallister again. Regardless, this 5-minute episode was still enough to make me want to go watch the movies and enjoy baby Culkin in all of his glory.

When Dishel Chastises Kevin For Ignoring His Mom's Calls, He's Quick To Recall Just Why He Does It.

The Way His Traumatic Childhood Experiences Changed Kevin Is...Obvious

I Mean, The Craziness Of It Is What We've Always Thought

Then Things Get Weird When A Guy Tries To Carjack Them.

So Kevin Treats Him How He Treats ALL Bad Guys.

And Things Get Weirder Still.

But it's all so good. Let's be honest: Kevin would've definitely ended up pretty messed up.

Watch The Full Video!

OK, so maybe Culkin isn't as super charming and precocious as he once was as a kid, but this video brings to light all of the obviously criticisms we've been issuing against the McCallister parents for year, like how Christmas at his house was so hectic that the moment he finally got something to eat, all hell broke loose. And how Buzz was pretty much the biggest jerk of the movie (yes, that's including the Wet Bandits), yet their mother remembered to bring him on both holiday trips. And he really breaks it down for us when reminding Dishel, his passenger-turned-driver, that as an 8-year-old, he was hardly capable of staying home by himself for an entire week.

It's f*cking Christmas, and your whole family goes on vacation. And they forget their f*cking eight-year-old son. All by yourself, in the house, for a week. I had to fend off my house from two psychopath home invaders.

This is, by all accounts, a pretty accurate depiction of the plot to Home Alone, regardless of the bravery and aplomb that little Kevin shows through all of his holiday-themed booby traps and trickery. And grown-up Kevin is more than ready to explain this tale to his car companion, as he ignores an incoming call from his mother, who he understandably still resents Because of, you know, the whole child neglect situation (TWICE.)

Images: Jack Dishel/YouTube(6)