Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

What Health Care Would Look Like If It Treated Men The Way It Treats Women

Ad failed to load

Women aren't getting the same quality of health care that men are, and if the Republican Party has its way, that's about to get a whole lot worse. But what if men's health care was treated like women's health care? It might seem hard to compare the two, but after breaking everything down, it should become obvious to even the most willfully ignorant politician, greedy insurance company, or paternalistic doctor that women are getting the shaft when it comes to health care, and taking more rights away is a step backward, not forward.

According to Marie Claire, women are more likely to suffer from chronic pain than men, yet they're less likely to be prescribed painkillers. Women are also less likely to receive the proper diagnosis for a heart attack or a concussion, because some doctors still think of those as men's conditions. Before the Affordable Care Act, insurance companies were allowed to charge women higher premiums than men. The law prohibiting "gender rating" didn't even go into effect until 2014, and now it might be repealed by a group of wealthy, old, white men with no medical knowledge, because they hate paying taxes. But how would they like it if the roles were reversed? Here's how that would look:

Women Would Be In Charge

Ad failed to load

How about instead of the aforementioned bros, health care was decided by an all-woman Senate panel? And just for good measure, let's make sure that some are older, some younger, some queer, and some women of color (with many of these identities overlapping, because that's how it works). They won't be required to identify a testicle on a diagram, though, because actually knowing anything about health is unnecessary.

Their Symptoms Would Be Ignored

Ad failed to load

That's not a heart attack, silly man, you're just hysterical. Or maybe you're just looking for attention? Has your girlfriend been ignoring you, honey? You're not really in pain; that's psychosomatic. Of course you don't have a brain tumor; you're probably just tired or depressed. But remember that depression isn't a real medical condition; it's just your hormones making you crazy, as usual.

Clinical Trials Would Be For Women Only

Ad failed to load

Who cares if the drug will be exclusively prescribed to men, for a condition only men can have? Humans are humans. The dosage should probably be the same, too, even though men are generally heavier than women. What's the difference?

Good Luck Getting A Vasectomy

Ad failed to load

Men who are under 40, have less than three kids, or don't have their wife's blessing would get a stern lecture from their doctor if they asked them to shut down their baby factory.

Women Aren't Responsible For Men's Care

Ad failed to load

Why should women subsidize erectile dysfunction medication just because some man can't keep it in his pants? If he wants to run around town and have sex willy nilly not to procreate, he can pay for it himself. And insurance companies shouldn't be required to cover prostate exams. More than half the population doesn't even have a prostate!

Forced Hosting

Ad failed to load

Men better be careful when they leave the house, because if they accidentally pick up a tick or some other parasite, they probably won't have access to a doctor who will remove it. And if it turns out it's been there for a while, it'll actually be illegal to remove it, even if it's dead. Don't like it? You shouldn't have been out in the woods to begin with.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

21 Moms Share The Most Surprising Part About Having A C-Section

Honestly, I don't think we, as a culture, talk about C-sections nearly enough, especially considering so many mothers experience them. And because of a number of factors, the little we do talk about it always seems to be a familiar narrative: "It's n…
By Jamie Kenney

13 Yummy Instant Pot Recipes To Make Under 30 Minutes

A Instant Pot seems to be the must-have appliance in every kitchen these days. If you are anything like me and never knew the beauty of a Instant Pot, you are about to have your life changed. Basically, you put some ingredients into a pot, set the te…
By Kristin Manna

9 Things The First Six Months Of Motherhood Will Teach You About Your Baby

Personally, the first six months of motherhood was a mixed bag. I learned some harsh lessons about myself that made taking care of my baby seem overwhelming. For example, I was clueless, and no amount of research could help me feel like anything but …
By Steph Montgomery

These Photos Of North West Then & Now Will Take You On A Sweet Trip Down Memory Lane

When Kim Kardashian welcomed her first daughter, North West, with her husband, Kanye West, in 2013, her whole life was changed. The social media and reality TV star became a mom for the first time and her Instagram presence took a very adorable turn.…
By Casey Suglia

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

This Is What It Means If Your Pregnancy Test Changes Overnight

The time between when a woman suspects she might be pregnant and when it is confirmed for sure is the longest of her life. Regardless of whether you are hoping for a positive or a negative result, the odds are good that you are sweating bullets when …
By Shannon Evans

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

This Woman Thought She Had An Eyelash Stuck In Her Eye. Then It Moved.

I'm not a person who is easily icked out. As a kid, I collected bugs and thought I was going to be an entomologist and asked Santa Claus for ant farms and nets to catch bees. I'm still super curious about anything that flies and crawls, which might s…
By Karen Fratti

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

8 "Mistakes" I'm Glad I Made During My First Pregnancy

As an adult, I've learned you never really stop hating being told what to do. When I was pregnant I was getting instructions at every turn, from doctors, relatives, and complete strangers on the subway. I would nod and smile but then go about making …
By Liza Wyles

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack