There is no one a new mom feels more kinship with than the walking dead, am I right? Sure, most people watch HBO's massively popular television juggernaut Game of Thrones and think to themselves "Wow, that is a creepy, ice cold, busted army of the resurrected, there." But new moms? They gaze into the flat blue eyes of the dead as they drag their bodies across the tundra in spite of all odds, and think, "Man, I really feel that guy, right now." You may be wondering what wights and new moms have in common, but let me tell you, it's more than you think.
First, a little background on what wights are, and how they came to be. In the television show (because it's moved beyond the bounds of George R.R. Martin's original series of books at this point), wights are undead zombies raised by White Walkers. In Season Six, viewers learned that the Children of the Forest were once battling the first people of Westeros. Their lands were being destroyed, their sacred trees slaughtered, so to combat men, they created the first White Walker, the Night King, by shoving a piece of dragonglass into the heart of a soldier. And that walker had the power to raise the dead in the form of the wight and also make other White Walkers. You know, a bit like giving birth except not at all. But that's not where the similarities between wights and new moms end.
1. Because Even When You're Dead, You're Still At The Whims Of Someone Else
You're dead on your feet. You haven't slept in who knows how long, you don't remember the soft feeling of your bed or the cleanliness of your toothbrush, you don't think you can take another step, but when that baby cries? Somehow you move. You're animated, but not 100 percent there.
2. You Can't Remember The Last Time You Ate
Let's be honest, you've felt a bit peckish lately. You can't remember the last time you ate. Was it dinner yesterday? Lunch? Either way, you're pretty certain that you can hear your stomach rattling around in your ribcage, empty and growling.
3. You Get Somewhere & You're Not Sure How You Got There
You're in the kitchen. Why is it that you're in the kitchen again? It's a mystery. You know there's a reason you needed to be in the kitchen, but it eludes you at this moment. Did the baby need formula? No, he just ate. Were you grabbing the diaper bag to fill for later? No, that's in the living room on the floor. (You're there for coffee. It's definitely time for coffee. It's probably still in the microwave from reheating it earlier.)
4. You're Constantly Covered In Someone Else's Bodily Fluids
When you're a part of an army of undead soldiers, being covered in the grosser parts of life is as normal as it comes. Same thing goes for new moms. We've all been puked on, pooped on, peed on, drooled, chewed, and boogered. It's quite possibly the most disgusting part of motherhood, and if I never get rocket crapped on again, I'll be very happy.
5. You Just Keep Going — Even If You're Slow, You Keep Going
Wights never stop moving unless they're stopped by a moat, a wall, or the end of a sword made of Valyrian steel. They're not the fastest, their gait isn't always exceptional, but they just keep going. It's the same thing for new moms. Somewhere there's a well of magical energy powering each and every new mother, giving them just enough to keep upright.
6. You Haven't Done Your Hair In Ages
It's getting a bit stringy about the ends, your roots are greasy, there might be some mashed avocado somewhere in your ponytail — we'll call it conditioner — and you're looking a little like you might have died in battle and risen with some new blue peepers. It's a certified lewk.
7. Even At Your Worst, You Carry That Baby Like They're Spun Glass
In quite possibly the weirdest adoption ever, in Season 4, we saw what the white walkers do with babies. Even after death and leaving a battle, the undead ride and walk with that baby like it was the most precious thing in the world. OK, so he also turned it over to the Night King to raise as his own tiny walker, but it was almost sweet for a moment.
8. You Have Superhuman Hearing
If your baby so much as burps in his sleep, you're going to hear it. It will wake you up, and getting back to sleep will be impossible.