Why Can't I Get Turned On When I'm Trying To Conceive? Science Says It's Not Your Fault
If you're anything like me, the minute anyone puts any sort of "rules" on sex it's instantly made less appealing. So if you're having sex with a specific end-game in mind like, for example, having a baby, it's pretty common to ask yourself, "Why can't I get turned on when trying to conceive?" In fact, there's absolutely nothing wrong or "weird" or shameful about wondering what's going on with your orgasm at any point in your sex life, but especially if you're putting rules on positions or time of the month or even frequency of sex. That makes sex feel less like something fun and more like work and, well, that can make it hard to get your mojo going.
The sex part of trying to conceive doesn't take that much effort, but keeping it exciting and interesting when you're not the couple who gets pregnant after one shot — or even a whole year of shots — is a little tricky. Redbook does remind readers, however, that it's totally doable, it just takes some conscious effort to ensure you and your partner don't feel like sex is another thing to check off your to-do list at the right time of the month.
According to Parents, having sex outside of your window of ovulation can help you feel closer to your partner. The site goes on to say that couples trying to conceive can, and should, have sex during the ovulation window in order to make a baby, but have sex outside of that window simply for the fun of it, too. Mindy R. Schiffman, Ph.D, clinical psychologist and sex therapist at New York University's Fertility Center, tells Parents, "Lovemaking that's not performance-driven helps you reconnect to your sensuality." So when you're not worrying about whether that sexy time session is going to result in a baby, the pressure is off and your sex-drive is free to return.
Self also reminds readers that a woman can have a hard time getting turned on for a number of other reasons, like self-consciousness about her body, inability to climax, or being too stressed to get interested in sex. If those reasons sound like what you're experiencing, remember your own brain is your worst enemy when it comes to psyching yourself out of sex (and an orgasm). It's also worth mentioning that counseling can be especially helpful when you're dealing with the stress of trying to conceive.
Instead of just doing the deed when you're trying to conceive, you can also do a few things to make that deed a little more enjoyable for both you and your partner. Remember that setting the mood is important, even when your goal is producing a baby. Foreplay is also worth exploring, even if foreplay won't result in a positive pregnancy test. And while BabyCenter says missionary is the best position for baby-making, try out different positions to mix it up when you're not in that ovulation window.
Changing up the time of day you have sex can also make it more enjoyable. Cosmopolitan says having sex in the morning means you not only have more energy, but you both might also enjoy the benefit of increased libido at that time of day.
It's important to remember that while your physical health is important while you're trying to conceive, so is your mental health. Trying to make a baby is stressful, to take some time for you, enjoy sex rather than make it a job, and before you know it, your orgasms should return.