When you're thinking of wild and kinky sex, your mind probably instantly thinks about scenes from Fifty Shades of Grey. For some couples, non-vanilla sex is mostly about being rough. Spanking, deep penetration, and lightly bondage can all make for a pretty exciting evening in the bedroom. If you've recently given birth, however, you might assume that rough sex is completely out of the question. When it comes to sex after pregnancy, the main concern may be whether rough sex can make you tear again postpartum. Although it's safe to have rough intercourse during pregnancy, the first time you have sex after giving birth is a little trickier.
The first thing to think about when having sex postpartum is whether or not you're ready physically and emotionally. Although only you know if you're emotionally ready to have sex again, the physical part should be discussed with your doctor. That being said, there are some general guidelines for having sex after giving birth. Typically, doctors recommend waiting for at least six weeks before engaging in postpartum sex Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and award-winning author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life, tells Romper in an interview.
"There are a lot of factors, such as whether there were tears during childbirth, and if those delicate tissues are still healing," she says. "To be safe, [the mother] should at least have had her six week follow up with a doctor, who can advise if it would be safe for her to be sexually active, or if her body may need more healing time. Most of all, she needs to listen to her own body. Birthing a baby can put a lot of strain on the body, and having sex again comfortably can take time, let alone rough or kinky sex."
Hall warns women that tearing postpartum can happen because nursing a baby lowers estrogen levels in a woman's body and, as a result, vaginal lubrication is likely to be decreased. The solution? A water-based lubricant.
"The already thin wall between the vagina and anus will have stretched during childbirth, so more-than-vanilla sex will require lube, and a lot of extra care to prevent injury. She should be honest about whether she feels ready and express any pain she's experiencing."
She also advices couples to take their time when reintroducing rough sex into their postpartum sex routine. Until you are fully recovered (and while you're in the early stages of sex after baby), Hall recommends relying on oral sex and watching sexy videos together. This is a great time to express fantasies that you'd like fulfilled once you're fully healed down there.
Going slowly, proper communication, and taking precautions such as using extra lube, are keys to having rough sex postpartum. The risk of tearing is reduced when you are physically and emotionally ready, have gotten the go-ahead from your doctor, and have a supportive partner ready to experiment — on your timeline.