To The People Finally Realizing Jack Black Is Hot: Welcome

At the premiere of Kung Fu Panda 4, The Hollywood Reporter asked the film’s star, Jack Black, for a kick as he passed by. Black immediately obliged the request by blowing a kiss before stopping himself. “Oh! I thought you said a kiss,” he replied, before a mischievous twinkle appeared in his eye. “I’ll give you a kick,” he said, emphasizing the last word with an impressive front kick. “I’ll give you two kicks!” Adorable as this was, it was probably only the second best thing he did on the red carpet, because he and Tenacious D collaborator Kyle Gass also filmed a video for their cover of Britney Spears’ “Baby One More Time,” which plays over the end credits of the film and is a certified banger. Somewhere in the heady mix of these two moments, social media began to stir and with a collective voice let it be known: “Jack Black is hot.”

Search “Jack Black, hot” on X (formerly Twitter) and you’ll get hundreds of results. A tweet from @VeryBadLlama offers up this fact as a juxtaposition to expectation: “Dorks on the internet: women refuse to even acknowledge men unless they’re 6 feet tall with chiseled abs,” she begins. “Every woman I know: I would spit in my grandmother’s eye for the opportunity to hand-feed Jack Black a single grape.”

“Do not buy into this incel propaganda about women wanting a rich, conventionally hot man to fly them around the world,” cautions @thesarahyork. “The most incredible women in my life would risk it all for a guy who looks like Jack Black and is a fun hang who follows through on plans.” Another tweet from @yoalexrapz observes something similar. “Incels refuse to acknowledge this: but hot chicks LOVE a man like Jack Black. It’s literally ALL about personality.”

But with respect to @yoalexrapz’s rhetorical goals here, it’s not just Black’s personality. Certainly, that’s part of it. He seems really nice — have you ever heard a bad story about Jack Black? I haven’t. (OK. Shallow Hal was regrettable to say the least, but when weighed against all the good stuff he comes out ahead.) Yes, the man is talented as hell, funny (obviously), and has said some really sweet things about his sons, Sammy and Tommy, and that’s always attractive.

But he’s also athletic (seriously, dude’s high kicks demonstrate remarkable hip flexibility: it’s impressive) and bearded which, as we all know, is almost always an asset on a man’s face. But even without the beard, he has a nice face to begin with! And as much as I hate the term “dad bod” because it feels reductive and conciliatory, it’s also the quickest way to explain what I mean that everyone will get — Jack Black has a dad bod and dad bods are, indeed, sexy.

Has Jack Black changed since the mid-1990s, when he was first stealing scenes in High Fidelity? Not really. Jack hasn’t changed, we have. We’ve gotten smarter, savvier, and can finally understand that sexy comes in lots of different flavors. There’s Oscar Isaac sexy and Chris Hemsworth sexy, but there’s also Bill Hader sexy and Jack Black sexy. And he’s always been sexy. He told us so in School of Rock and he was right. But, young, societally blinkered fools that we were, we didn’t see it. But we grow, we learn: we know better and we do better. Sexy isn’t simply having a six-pack. (That can certainly be a perk, but it’s not a requirement.) Sexy is him picking up a six-pack of your favorite beer or hard seltzer without being asked on his way home from the grocery store. And also maybe a little treat, because he knows you deserve it. That feels like a Jack Black move, and we’re guessing he’d add a karate chop in there, just for fun.

Also — and you’ll pardon me for being a little NSFW here — I feel like he gets the ladies, if you know what I mean. Because sometimes you do need to f-cksoftly, screw gently, hump sweetly, and ball discreetly. (Honestly, though: “F-ck Her Gently” would be a really cute wedding song if your religious grandma weren’t attending.)

So what does all this mean? Not too much, except that every now and then I think it’s important to bask in the Jack Black of it all. Dare we dream that this collective swoon will result in another Jack Black-led romantic comedy like The Holiday? We can dream. Until then, Jack, keep doing what you’re doing. We’ll be over here nodding in appreciation.