No parent relishes the moment when theyâll have to explain death to their child , but the moment comes nonetheless. Whether the catalyst is the death of a grandparent, another loved one, or even a beloved pet, there will come a time when it falls to us to explain a complex, emotionally fraught, and terrifying topic to a child. Many adults have a hard time wrapping their heads around mortality â breaking the news to your baby can be a doozy.
Thankfully, parents looking for a little help with the conversation will find a bounty of gentle, brilliant, often beautiful picture books on the subject. We turned to childrenâs librarians from the New York Public Library (NYPL) and Seattle Public Library (SPL) for help compiling this list of the 25 most beautiful, sensitive, and profound books about death for children. Perhaps your child seeks matter-of-fact answers or is more receptive to allusive, allegorical stories â either way, youâll find the perfect book here.
How to explain death to a child Books can help tremendously, but they canât do the job for you. Whatever the circumstance, experts agree that parents and caregivers should try to answer childrenâs questions about death honestly and directly. âUse simple words appropriate for the childâs age and understanding,â advises Dr. Amanda Lowell , a licensed clinical psychologist at the Yale Child Study Center. âIt is important to use the real words such as âdeadâ and âdied.â Euphemisms including âlost,â âpassed away,â âgone to sleep,â or even âgone to a heavenâ may seem kinder or gentler (for us and for children), but can cause confusion for a child.â
Beyond that, the way the conversation goes will depend a lot on your circumstances and the childâs age. Infants and young toddlers may not understand what is going on, but can sense caregivers strong feelings, Lowell says, and âfamilies should stick to their normal routine as much as possible and provide reassurance and comfort,â in the event of a death of a loved one.
Preschoolers, meanwhile, tend to be curious about death, and may have a lot of questions, Lowell says. However, they âdo not understand its permanence or irreversibility,â she warms, so it is particularly important that caregivers use accurate words rather than euphemisms with this age group. For elementary school kids, Lowell suggests families give honest information over time, without overwhelming children. âBecause school age children have a fuller understanding of death, may be anxious about others dying, and may ask hard questions,â Lowell encourages caregivers to âgive information bit by bit, allowing them time in between to process and make sense of what theyâve heard and ask you any questions.â
Many of the childrenâs books about death on this list explore and teach about the idea of death at the slow, thoughtful pace that Lowell suggests, gently and tenderly exploring the concept of death and how it touches all our lives.
Children's books about the death of a grandparent
Grandpaâs Stories by Joseph CoelhoWith charming, colorful illustrations, this picture book about death tells the story of a little girlsâ love for her grandfather. Itâs both heart-warming and heart-breaking in its exploration of what it feels like â and means â to lose someone you love. âA breathtakingly beautiful picture book that allowed my 10 year old and me to have an honest, raw conversation about connections with family members. Wonderful book for loss,â wrote one Amazon reviewer.
Sylvester's Letters by Matthew BurgessRecommended by childrenâs librarian at the NYPL, this new book about the death of a grandparent âcenters enthusiasm, adventure, and an ebullient creativity rarely seen in books about loss,â as it tells the story of a young child trying to get a letter to a beloved grandparent who has died.
Grandadâs Island by Benji DaviesâWhile not explicitly about death, this picture book is about a young boy whose grandfather moves to a distant island,â says Amanda Hua, childrenâs librarian at SPL. âThe boy must then grapple with the idea that he will not see his grandfather anymore. The metaphor for death in this book could be a starting place for families with young children. I recommend this book for preschoolers and up.â
Dadaji's Paintbrush by Rashmi SirdeshpandeA sweet, heart-warming story of the love between a little boy and his grandfather, this relatively new book â it came out in 2022 â was suggested by a childrenâs librarian at the NYPL. Reviewers rave about it , too, saying the tender book about the death of a grandparent is an âextraordinary work for every shelf.â
The best childrenâs books for explaining death, grief, and loss.
Always Remember by Cece MengThis gentle story, suggested by a childrenâs librarian from the NYPL, tells of the death of an old sea turtle and the way in which the sea creatures who knew him will remember him. It offers comfort and context around the concept of the loss of a loved one for the whole family. One Amazon reviewer describes it as âperfect for processing grief when you are not religious.â
An Ordinary Day by Elana K. ArnoldJuxtaposing extraordinary days in the lives of families in a neighborhood â a birth, a death â with ordinary days, this simple picture book weaves the concept of death into the broader context of life as a whole. Gentle and careful, it offers a way to explain death to even the youngest children.
Death Is Stupid by Anastasia HigginbothamLibrarians from both the SPL and the NYPL highly recommended this book for children of all ages for its depiction of death and loss. âPart of Anastasia Higgenbothamâs Ordinary Terrible Things series, it is an honest look at unhelpful things people say to kids about death, and the reality of the complicated emotions kids experience when someone dies,â explains Dawn Rutherford, librarian at SPL. Amazon reviewers also rave about it. One reviewer explained their multi-faceted appreciation for the book this way: âThis book offers the explanation I have felt too mature to admit: death is stupid...until I ordered this book, I wasn't sure how to make sense of the senseless for the children I love.â
I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat ThomasPart of a series, this is a very straight-forward and direct book created to help parents and caregivers explain death to kids ages 3 to 7. Recommended by childrenâs librarians at the NYPL, itâs a must-have for families with children who are curious about death or have experienced the death of a loved one.
What Happens When a Loved One Dies? Our First Talk about Death by Jillian RobertsWritten by a child psychologist, Dr. Jillian Roberts, this book is structured around questions about death phrased in the voice of a child. Itâs direct and clear, and intended to âempower parents/caregivers to start conversations with young ones about difficult or challenging subject matter.â This one offers a straightforward approach if youâre worried a child needs more transparency than an allegory can provide.
Iâll Say Goodbye by by Pam ZollmanFocused on a young child who loses a beloved uncle to a terminal illness, this sweet and soothing picture book about death and grief is appropriate for children experiencing the loss of anyone beloved in their life. âIt's a very relatable story since many children have family members with serious illnesses, and this book enables them to explore grief and this tough subject,â says one reviewer.
The Important Thing About Margaret Wise Brown by Mac BarnettâEven though it isnât a book about death, Mac Barnettâs picture book biography has become my favorite book to give kids and families grieving a loss, because of how perfectly it captures the capricious nature of grief,â says Jesse OâDunne, childrenâs librarian at SPL. âIâd recommend this book to children, teens and adults of all ages. It was in fact immensely helpful to me in processing the death of my father.â
Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?: Big Questions from Tiny Mortals About Death by Caitlin DoughtyThis book is definitely for older grade school and middle school kids, but we love it because it doesn't make a kid feel bad in the slightest for having morbid curiosities. Wonderful for normalizing conversations with your kids about death.
Cry, Heart, But Never Break by Glenn RingtvedItâs hard to say if this powerful, stark book is for children or adults. Translated from the original Danish, the book personifies death, who explains to some young children why it is time for him â gently, naturally â to take their grandmother. It frames death as the thing that gives life meaning. One reviewer explains the powerful role the book played in their family: âMaybe if my kids hadn't experienced such profound loss at such a young age I would have put this book away for later years. But their father is recently passed and thatâs pretty freaking heavy and dark so our family needs these conversations to be prompted and held. In this book Death is so kind and loving. He patiently explains the value of life and the value of death without being definitively secular or religious...Iâm trying to teach my children that as uncomfortable as grief can be, itâs necessary to help us process loss in a healthy way.â
Duck, Death, And The Tulip by Wolf ErlbruchDuck and Death strike up a friendship. What follows is a quiet, gentle exploration of death and dying. âIf you have a child already curious about death, I would recommend this,â says one reviewer . âIt's also non-religious and does not include a concept of âgodâ and, while raised, leaves the question of an afterlife unanswered.â
Masatoâs Garden by Jerry RuffSuggested by the librarians at the NYPL, this newly-released book about death explores the comfort of nature and taking time outside to reflect in times of loss and grief.
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurene BrownAny child of the â80s may remember Laurene Brownâs Dinosaurs series of books, and When Dinosaurs Die has stood the test of time. As one reviewer explains , âas a parent, it helped me make sure I covered all of the important points. I had never thought to point out, for example, that dead people don't eat or see or hear anymore, but while reading the book realized that this might not be something that young kids would intuitively grasp.â
The Funeral by Matt JamesNYPL librarians suggest this book for children who may be attending a funeral for the first time, as it explores the experience two children have at the funeral of their great uncle. The kids start out excited to have a day off school and see their family members gather, but the day changes as they encounter things theyâve never experienced before. One reviewer appreciated that the book âexplains some basic aspects of a funeral and a service with a light air and an abundance of joy. I love reading this book to my 7 year old and two 3 year olds.â
The Goodbye Book by Todd ParrâI appreciate how this book simply and concretely acknowledges the complicated feelings surrounding grief,â says Beatriz Pascual-Wallace, a childrenâs librarian at SPL. âIt can help set up a meaningful conversation with a child about feeling the loss of a loved one.â With colorful illustrations and a simple story, itâs an appropriate book to reach for if you need to explain death to a toddler or preschooler, but will resonate with bigger kids, too.
Children's books about the death of a pet
Big Cat, Little Cat by Elisha CooperâThis gentle picture book introduces young children to the idea of death through the life cycle of pets,â says Amanda Hua, childrenâs librarian at SPL. âThe older, big cat shows the little cat the ropes. One day the big cat is no longer around and the little cat must become the big cat for a new kitten. I would share with toddlers and up.â
I Miss My Pet: A First Look at When a Pet Dies by Pat ThomasStraightforward and reassuring, this simple, direct non-fiction childrenâs book about the death of a pet was suggested by childrenâs librarians at the NYPL to explain death to the youngest children. Itâs part of the same series as I Miss You: A First Look At Death.
A Stone for Sascha by Aaron BeckerA stand out, wordless picture book for talking to your child about the death of a pet, this suggestion comes from librarians at the NYPL. One reviewer describes it as âan amazingly complex and thought provoking work of artâ that both children and adults mourning the loss of a pet will enjoy.
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith ViorstThis picture book from 1987 is âclassic story of a kid losing a pet, and celebrating the love they shared,â says Dawn Rutherford, a librarian at SPL. Itâs is perfect for explaining the death of a pet to kids aged 5 to 8.
Children's books about death of a parent or sibling
Missing Mommy by Rebecca CobbThis simple picture book, suggested by librarians at the NYPL, tackles an incredibly painful subject with gentleness, and may help open a dialogue with a young child who has lost their mother. Though it is written for younger children â preschoolers to age 8 â it will resonate with older kids, too. One reviewer describes it as a âgreat pathway for kids to start asking questions.â
Everett Andersonâs Goodbye by Lucille CliftonA classic picture book detailing the five stages of grief by poet Lucille Clifton, Everett Andersonâs Goodbye tells the story of a little boy as he tries to process the death of his father. Though it was written in the late â80s, the story â which essentially an illustrated poem â is simple and timeless.
Remembering Ethan by LeslĂ©a NewmanRemembering Ethan is told from the perspective of Ethanâs sister as she tries to understand her brotherâs death and its effect on her family. Recommended by the librarians at the NYPL, the book handles an incredibly difficult subject with care and warmth. One reviewer wrote, âIâm a psychotherapist. This book is not only well-written and beautifully illustrated, but a psychologically sound way to help children and their parents address the difficulties of talking about death in the family. I would use it in my practice.â
While no parent relishes the moment when it is time to help their child think about the concept of death, dying and loss, hopefully it is comforting to know that so many wonderful authors and illustrators have created such beautiful, nuanced and tender books to make it even just a bit easier to explain death to children. May these books offer solace and support in your familyâs most challenging moments.
Experts:
Dr. Amanda Lowell , Licensed Clinical Psychologist at the Yale Child Study Center
Children and teen staff at the New York Public Libraryâs Stavros Niarchos Foundation Library
Dawn Rutherford, librarian at the Seattle Public Library
Amanda Hua, a childrenâs librarian at the Seattle Public Library
Beatriz Pascual-Wallace, a childrenâs librarian at the Seattle Public Library
Jesse OâDunne, a childrenâs librarian at the Seattle Public Library
This article was originally published on Jan. 29, 2023