Good Vibes Only

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The Best Sex Toys For Moms Who Want To Date (And Those Who Don’t)

Good vibes only.

I don’t want to date. I have no desire to be in a relationship of any kind (celibacy FTW!) but I am in the market for some good old-fashioned self-sex. What are the toys de jour? I’m open to whatever anyone wants to throw at me. Please advise!

First off, thank you for this question! I think a lot people reading will want to thank you, too, because dating in this climate is a whole situation. (I mean, truly. It’s been very bad lately, but that’s probably a topic for another column.)

And you know what else? Celibacy doesn’t have to mean celibacy. Solo sex is sex, too. When we talk about prioritizing pleasure in our relationships that should always include the relationships we have with ourselves. Experimenting, evolving, finding new and unusual ways to get off — we don’t need partners to do any of that. There are so many ways to have a happy, healthy solo-sex life (and endless toys to keep it exciting).

The sex toy market has really exploded in the last decade, most notably with the addition of clit sucking toys, which seem to have completely overtaken the competition. I reached out to readers in stories for solo sex toy recommendations and of the 200+ who responded, 90% of the recommended toys were clit suckers. Damn! Penetration is so oughts, you guys. (And yes I know it’s always been about the clitoris, but technology has only recently gotten the memo.)

The below is a list of the toys that got the most enthusiastic recommendations from women and people with vaginas. Shout out to every one of who came through (ha!) to weigh in. Standing O-vation.

The Womanizer

Not only did the womanizer win in a landslide victory, many people reached out to me personally with life-changing testimonials. Pleasure, especially for those who haven’t experienced it recently (or enough or at all), can indeed be life changing, and for many, the Womanizer did what years of penetrative sex never could. There are several versions of the Womanizer, so I don’t think you can go wrong but the most recommended were the original classic 2; the duo, which is both clit suction and penetration; and the pro40.

The Lelo Sona Cruise 2

The Lelo Sona Cruise 2 had over a dozen votes while its penetrative sister, the Lelo Soroya Wave, also ranked well with my commenters.

Satisfyer Pro 2

The Satisfyer Pro 2 also had over a dozen votes. And at $66, this one seems to be the best bang for your buck if you’re looking for some clit suction action.

Hitachi Magic Wand

This one’s been my personal fave for years (I’ve even written about her here before) so I’m glad to see she made it to the top five. And while there is indeed a plug-in version that is cheaper than the rechargeable, I highly recommend dropping the extra $50 so you don’t feel tethered to a cord. (This is a good pro tip in general, actually.) There’s no clit suction here but the vibes are very good. Strong. very strong.

The DAME Vibes

Both AER by DAME and THE POM ranked very high with readers so I am recommending them both here!

Maude Vibe

This one is simple, discreet and beloved by many. (It’s also quiet which I know is important for a lot of you!)

BuzzFeed Pebble by Bellesa

Another clit sucker that comes highly recommended.

Tracy’s Dog

The price is right with Tracy’s Dog – the OG of clit sucking + penetrative vibes.

The Rabbit

What can we say? After all these years, she’s still got it. There are several companies that make Rabbit vibes, but I went with Adam & Eve’s most highly rated (and well priced) version.

The Cuddly Bird

Surprise! We have another clit sucker. This one is very cute and wins for the best name.

Honorable Mentions

Other sex toys that were recommended more than once include the Le Wand Mini (for beginners), Bellesa Air Vibe, Vush Empress 2, Tango by WeVibe, Vesper from Crave, Serpent Glass Wand, which has a reputation for aiding and abetting squirting which is a fun little party trick. The Juliet Rose Quartz Pleasure Wand is another beloved favorite as well as the Njoy Pure Metal Wand (for G spot love.)

And last but not least, I have been told not to sleep on the Oral B Pulsar Toothbrush.

Several of you also recommended Sex Oil with THC which I also co-sign. Foria is the best according to almost everyone I talked to (including myself) so definitely check it out if you haven’t already. It sort of takes everything to the next level, which, yes, please and thank you.

May the force be with you. (And also with you.)

I want to answer any and all questions you all have about the exhilarating, terrifying, and wonderful experience of dating and having sex with new people after becoming a parent. Send me your questions at rebeccawoolf@gmail.com.

Rebecca Woolf writes Romper’s Sex & the Single Mom series. She has worked as a writer for more than two decades and is the author of two books, Rockabye: From Wild to Child and All of This: A Memoir of Death and Desire. She lives in Los Angeles with her four children.