Ah, sleep. A word with such sweet memories, but one that I also don't remember the meaning of. My last full night of sleep was sometime long before my first positive pregnancy test, well over three years ago. I can picture myself sleeping now — in fact, it's a hobby of mine, imagining that I'm asleep — and I look so peaceful. If you're a parent too, you probably have the same dreams of a full night's sleep, and these
memes about being sleep deprived will hit close to home, triggering both intense sadness and a reminder of your irreparable exhaustion.
You see, I thought I knew what exhaustion meant before having kids. Those self-inflicted all-nighters? Those were tiring, yes. Partying and just staying up because I was young and reckless? At least I could sleep in till noon the next day. Parenthood? It's not in the same universe. Not even close.
parent's sleep depravity isn't self inflicted. It's imposed upon us by small children that share our DNA but that haven't learned how to sleep, eat, or do anything without our assistance. At any hour of the day.
I love my kids, don't get me wrong. But do I sometimes contemplate inventing time travel so that I can relive my sleeping-in glory days. And if you feel the same way, then you'll appreciate these memes about being sleep deprived.
1 Better Measurement
To be fair, this is crucial info for the parents. When was the last time I slept? Ah, it must have been before the baby arrived.
2 Where Is The Lie?
Plus, there isn’t really an upper limit to that 30 chart. It continues into the 40s and beyond.
3 Try A Different Question
Maybe don’t ask about sleep, at least until the kid turns, like, 20. It’s just rough out there for the first few years.
4 Five More Minutes, Please
If a new parent falls asleep in your company, just let them rest. It’s so needed.
5 Self Deception
Buddy the Elf is basically every parent. Maybe the secret to enduring sleep deprivation is his diet of candy and maple syrup?
6 That Awesome Feeling
Getting up in the morning after a long night only to fight to get the kids dressed and fed before the day is hard work. There is no shame in rising and not shining. Who can shine in those conditions?!
7 Human Science Problems
Have the researchers gathered enough data yet? It seems pretty clear that sleep is, in fact, essential, and every parent would like a little more of it.
8 This Baby Knows What It's Doing
Every parent has those nights where they lay their baby down to sleep, and it’s like they just know it’s going to be a long one. Which begs the question, do you just chug coffee now or try to enjoy your sleep in 30-minute increments?
9 The Cold Hard Truth
This baby is right. Once you’re past the late-night feedings, you’re at the early morning wakeups, and then the 7 am soccer games, and before you know it you’ll be fighting with them to get out of bed every morning so they’re not late for high school.
10 Is It Bedtime Yet?
Some days you wake up and immediately start a countdown until bedtime so you can go back to sleep. Then, after such a long day, the night flies right by.
11 This Is Who I Am
Nope, that’s just my face. Those bags under my eyes are permanent. And, to be honest, I couldn’t even be bothered to spray in some dry shampoo today.
12 It's The Thought That Counts
Sure, some banana bread would have been nice, but sleep is nicer. Plus, if you play your cards right, you can stay on the couch all night and let your partner deal with the late-night wakeups.
13 What Is This Sorcery?
Do people actually wake up feeling refreshed? Is that a thing? Parents everywhere need to know your secrets.
14 Is This How It's Done?
Sure, they all tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps but get all up in arms when you haven’t showered in 5 days. Well, which is it?! You can’t have it both ways, people!
15 A Nefarious Plot
It's a good thing kids are so cute, because there's a 50 percent chance they're keeping us awake on purpose.
16 Things Parents Never Say
Do any parents even remember what a solid night of sleep is like? Imagine a world where you wake up to the sun shining into your room instead of a cry over the baby monitor.
17 Sleep Would Be So Fetch
There is a very good chance that babies are tiny Regina Georges in the making. Next thing you know they’ll be telling you that you can only wear leggings on Fridays.
18 You Did Not Lose
You might be battered, bruised, and even a little emotionally broken, but those kids are finally in bed. Now is the time to rest up for another day ... tomorrow.
19 This Is Romance
After kids, there is no “Netflix & Chill,” there is only “passing out 30 minutes into that movie you’ve been wanting to see for a year, but never had the chance to.” If you’re really romantic, it’s followed by “waking up to go to your bed without brushing your teeth or washing your face.”
20 A Premonition
Call it intuition, psychic abilities, or evidence-based research. This is the kind of tired that is going to take years to bounce back from.
21 A House Full Of Toddlers
If this is accurate, everyone in the family is now a toddler. It’s like a weird version of
Hunger Games at that point. May the odds be ever in your favor. 22 It Was All A Dream
you’re in charge of other children now. Isn’t that a trip? 23 No Alarms Needed
Why is this so true, though? It takes kids so long to really understand that sleeping in is a true luxury.
25 It’s A Process
And the odds that your child will stay put so you can rest? Almost zero.
This article was originally published on
July 1, 2016