7 Moms On The Little Wins No One Else Noticed

Milestones and new moms go hand in hand like diapers and wipes. If you’re a mom, watching for your baby’s early triumphs like rolling over, starting solids, or taking a wobbly step becomes a familiar — and at times, anxious — habit.

But while many people, from your friends to the pediatrician, ask how the baby is progressing, other milestone moments never seem to get much fuss or attention. The pivotal times only new moms notice — the shifts, the changes, the sighs of relief that feel like the entire world has finally righted itself, yet no one blinked twice.

No less monumental than a baby’s first word, these touchpoints in a new mom’s life often quietly mark a before-and-after in early motherhood — a radio frequency only the woman living through them can pick up.

Science is finally catching up to the world-rocking shift that is new motherhood, now known as matrescence. This biological and psychological shift marks the transition into motherhood with a rewiring of the brain. “It's a lot like adolescence: a period of major physical, hormonal, emotional, and social change,” says Kara Kushnir, L.C.S.W., founder and clinical director of A Work of Heart Counseling & Wellness.

The sense of “losing yourself” is a common experience during new motherhood. And that’s not just anecdotal. A study published in the journal Identity found that this shift comes with an expansion of self but also with grief over the loss of a mother’s former identity. That sense of loss can also be a major trigger for postpartum depression (PPD) and other perinatal mood disorders.

For many mothers, it tends to sound like, “I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”

“Postpartum depression is a liar,” says Elizabeth Wellington, perinatal psychotherapist, and co-founder of Moms Feelin’ Themselves. “It tells you that you can’t do this, that you’ve lost yourself, and that everyone else is handling it better. Small milestones are counter-evidence. Each one tells your nervous system, ‘I braced for something hard. I got through it, and I’m still here.’”

Getting acquainted with your new self as a mom can feel like a Herculean task when you can barely find a minute of “me time,” but you can build the blocks slowly and methodically — there’s no rush.

A 2019 study found that people tend to see their habits as indicators of their “true self,” even if they’re small or don’t take up much of their day. Micro-moments that feed your personal needs, or remind you of who you were before becoming a mother, can help you find acceptance and confidence in your new identity.

“Each opportunity to acknowledge something a mom did for the first time can increase her self-confidence and her ability to see the new version of herself through adaptive and more optimistic eyes,” says Kushnir. “For moms with postpartum depression or anxiety, these moments carry extra weight. PPD brings endless self-criticism and doubt, so opportunities to recognize and notice success can literally help combat depression. Every small milestone becomes evidence against a negative story.”

Movement, a few extra minutes of sleep, wearing a favorite piece of clothing. These small, repeatable moments (plus a healthy dose of self-compassion) can help moms move from grieving who they once were to celebrating the person they’re becoming.

“Visible milestones, an unhurried shower or returning to a hobby she loves, are worth celebrating because of what they represent internally,” says Amanda Wilde, neuroscience researcher at Wilderesearch.org. “Through the lens of matrescence, moments like these reflect a mother who is integrating her maternal identity. These moments deserve acknowledgment precisely because so much of that internal work is invisible. Whatever brings that flicker of recognition. ‘Oh, there I am.’ That’s worth celebrating.”

Milestone Moments From Real Moms

Take it from these seven moms who experienced their own unique milestones of new motherhood. Others may not have taken notice, but these events made a huge impact on them.

“The same walk held new meaning.”

“My first time taking a walk without my baby, four weeks post-cesarean, felt like I entered a new era. It was January. I hadn’t gotten out much because it was too cold, and I couldn’t walk far in the early weeks postpartum. Even though I had walked these blocks many times before my daughter was born, it was reinvigorating to have recovered enough to walk a longer distance after giving birth and having major surgery. But it was also emblematic of my new mom life: I hardly ever wanted to be away from my baby, but I felt refreshed in these small moments I had for myself. — Parvin Aminolroaya, 43, mom to Dela, 3, and Darius, 9 months

“I could dream again!”

“I remember the first time I could sleep long enough to start having dreams again. My twins were born prematurely, so we spent three months in the hospital before finally bringing them home. Even then, they needed to be fed every three hours, day and night, and bottle-feeding was a struggle for a while. When they finally started sleeping through the night, I began to sleep more deeply and realized something incredible: I hadn't had a single dream in years!” — Débora Biragnet, 41, mother of Ramiro and Josefina, 9

“Car rides no longer frightened me.”

“The first car ride where the baby didn’t cry was a big moment. My daughter cried every time I put her in her car seat, and it made me dread going anywhere. When there was finally silence in the back seat, I could focus on actually driving and enjoying my music and coffee.” — Sarah Young, 34, mom to Ariella, 3, and Emersyn, 6 months

“I stopped caring what other people thought.”

“With my first, I’d pack about 20 things in the diaper bag just to run into a store. It felt like I was packing to go overseas. And if he started crying in the aisle, it felt like a siren was going off, and everyone was judging me. Somewhere along the way, I stopped apologizing to strangers and feeling like I was under a microscope simply for existing. That was the real milestone: realizing nobody was watching as closely as I thought, and a crying baby in a store is just a typical Tuesday. Three kids later, I can’t believe how much pressure I used to put on myself to look put together at all times.” — Stefania Sainato, 39, mother to one son, 8, and two daughters, 5 and 3

“I got to feel like myself again.”

“The first time putting my jeans back on was a small victory. I struggled for a while with baby blues after my son was born, and I had a hard time getting the baby weight off. It was my first date night with my husband since having him, and I wanted to feel like myself and confident in how I looked. I had a lot of emotions when I put these particular jeans on and realized they fit. It was like I was ‘back’ to myself for the night! It was also the first time I left my son in someone else’s care, and the first time my husband and I could reconnect because we were so consumed with being first-time parents. So the jeans felt like my pre-baby life, and post-baby feels colliding.” — Megan E., 42, mom to CJ, 13, and Em, 11

“I confidently got out of the house.”

“I was basically bed-ridden for the first three months of motherhood following several medical complications resulting from childbirth. So, I’ll never forget the first time I drove myself and my baby to [the store]. She was about 3 months old, and I was finally cleared to go somewhere alone and lift her without assistance. It was a huge deal to me. I called my mom to tell her how excited I was to do a normal mom thing all by myself! Looking at my sweet girl in the rearview mirror made me feel confident that I could handle whatever I would encounter.” — Emily S., 43, mom of one daughter, 11

“We started traveling together!”

“With my first, I was terrified to leave the house alone with him in the beginning, especially without overpacking anything and everything he might need. Still, at 3 months old, I took him on a two-week trip to France with both his grandmas, who came along to help. By his first birthday, he’d been to four countries and on more than 10 flights. Getting out of the house is still non-negotiable now that baby number two is here. It’s crucial for my mental health, and it reminds me that I can do this.” — Jordan Fink, 36, mom of two sons, 2.5 years and 2 months

“I could actually enjoy a shower.”

“One of my biggest milestones was realizing I could finally take a shower without rushing through it or worrying about the baby every second. Those little moments of feeling like yourself again mean so much when you’re a new mom. Motherhood changes everything, and sometimes the smallest victories deserve a celebration.” — Leidy Cole, 44, mom to two sons, 18 and 15, and one daughter, 12

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