I deal with way too many ridiculous things on a daily basis. Starting at 5:30 a.m. my 5-year-old son is wide awake, making sure everyone else is awake, too, while my 10-year-old daughter is a walking zombie, complaining and crying about anything and everything. So trust me when I say there are a lot of battles you don't need to have with your kid today. Like, a lot. Because you know what would be great? Having one calm conversation without my children fighting or arguing or both. Needless to say, I'm really, really exhausted all day, every day, and there's truly no reason to be.
These days, the battles with my 10-year-old daughter far surpass those thrown my way by my 5-year-old son. Of course, they're different kids with different personalities, but their ages account for the different "issues" I have to deal with in a 24-hour period. My daughter's nearing her teens and never misses an opportunity to disagree with me or challenge my authority, while my youngest is happy to go with the flow as long as he's allotted time to play.
There are some days, though, where they seem to team up on me, doing everything possible to test me well before the day's even started. Because, parenting. So with that in mind, and because it's nice to think we're all in this together, here are some of the battles you don't need to have with your kid today. Or any day, for that matter.
The "Eat Your Damn Breakfast" Battle
Some days, my kids eat whatever I put on a plate. Then there are the days when they're appalled I'd suggest such a "disgusting" option. As fun as it is to guess what my picky eaters like on any given day, can we just skip the drama and you eat what I give you?
The "Vegetables For Lunch" Battle
I do my best to put a healthy lunch together when possible, but I aim do it without making a grand statement or suggestion that will turn my kids off to their options. There are times, like today, when I'm sneaking a bag of baby carrots into my daughter's lunch box — because she ate them yesterday — and an all-out battle ensues. How could I be so irresponsible, offering healthy options to my growing child?
The "What Are You Wearing?" Battle
Of course, the very day there's a lunchbox battle, there's also an ongoing debate about whether or not my oldest can wear her pajamas (shorts and a tank top she slept in the last three nights) to school, because "all" her clothes are dirty (false). There comes a point, most days, when I just throw my hands in the air and hope for the best. Today was that day.
The "Yes, You Need To Wear Deodorant" Battle
Will she wear it or won't she? That is the question I've asked a million times today (and yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that).
The "Wash Your Pee Sheets" Battle
My dear son, the one who gives me little-to-no drama, has his own set of vices that spike my anxiety. Lately his nighttime accidents are the culprit, only because he doesn't say a word, dresses himself, and makes his bed, leaving me to discover the "fun" surprise when I'm putting laundry away. I feel for him — I do — but I don't need this battle today, either.
The "Brush Your Hair & Teeth" Battle
What is it with kids not wanting to be clean or look presentable? Like, at all? And it's weird, because where my daughter is so into fashion and cool jewelry that makes her stand out, but she also refuses to wash or brush her hair. And where my son gets excited over his cool "fast" shoes, he's not so into brushing his teeth. Can we just have one day where I don't have to nag my children about self-care?
The "Do Your Homework" Battle
Remember that homework your kid couldn't find last night when it was time to do it? You know the one. Yeah, well it's due today. Oh! It was in the backpack the whole time, and only just now discovered the page right before we leave for school? That's fun.
The "Do Your Chores" Battle
OMG. I get so damn tired of reiterating what chores need to get done, by whom, and by when. It's the same thing every damn day. So, when a bed isn't made after I've practically tattooed "make your bed" on my face, I just can't anymore. Make you bed. Please. Just make it.
The "After School Activity" Battle
I loathe last minute scheduling changes. I have scheduling/routine-based Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and it quite literally gives me a panic attack. When my daughter says, at school drop-off, she has to stay after for something and I'm supposed to be there too, my initial response is, "No. No no, no, nope. Can't. Do. This. Today."
The "Go To Bed" Battle
Bedtime is bedtime, kids. It just is. The end.
Watch Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:
Check out the entire Romper's Doula Diaries series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.