For many new moms, the only thing more fun than wearing their infant is posting adorable photos of themselves wearing their infants. But if you're a new mom running on three hours sleep, crafting the perfect babywearing Instagram caption may prove taxing to your zombie mom brain. I mean, you are carrying an entire extra human, right? That's got to zap some brain power, which is why you need suggestions.
Not all parents get to experience the sublime joy of strolling through the day whilst carrying a bebe nestled up against their heart. Some (such as myself) give birth to enormous gigantor children who come out of the womb already as heavy as small bowling balls and with limbs like tree branches. Thus, our baby-wearing days are rather limited... I feel like I was able to stuff my son into his Baby Bjorn approximately twice before his legs were dangling down at my knee caps. But the few times I was able to tote him around cuddled up against me? I can honestly say I've never been so blissed out while simultaneously knowing that someone might throw up directly down my shirt at any moment.
I know babywearing is a bit of a hot button issue, and there are people with some very strong opinions on the subject. There are those who believe it's the most nurturing thing ever, and that people who push their babies in strollers are monsters with hearts that pump ice. And then of course there are people who think it's the absolute worst, and that children carried in slings will be codependent weaklings with bones made of Jell-O who never learn to walk.
Anyway, if you do babywear, I hope you and your baby enjoy it, and that your child has only ever thrown up down your shirt as you were walking into your home. Now, for some captions:
1. "Keep calm and carry on."
Simple. Classic. Punny.
2."Who am I wearing, you ask? Why, Calvin Klein of course. Oh yeah, and Wyatt."
Put your own spin on the standard red carpet question!
3. "The Boba 4G, the Cybex Cloud, and the Ergobaby Omni: names of new Star Wars characters, or popular baby carrier brands?"
For real, what is with the weird carrier names? Why do they all sound like fighter jets?
4. "So you designed the original Mars Rover? Cool. I successfully got my infant into a Moby Wrap. I win."
I mean seriously. I am still in awe of any women who can do this and then walk down the street, fully confident their infant isn't going to tumble into the gutter.
5. "Babywearing lets a baby explore the world with you when they are not ready to without you."
Precious and true. Yes, that world may largely consist of Target and IKEA for the first few months, but still.
6. "A good father: a man who is kind, playful, and attentive. An amazing father: A man who knows the difference between a woven wrap and a ring sling."
And if the father learned how much some of these high end carriers can cost? He'd probably throw up into his own mouth a little.
7. "Babywearing is like wearing a hug. From the person you love most in the world. All day long."
Want to play a fun game? Have a new mom read that quote, then time how long it takes for her to get teary.
8. "A child may not know which direction he is going, but when he's attached to you, he doesn't feel lost." — Gordon Neufeld
Another quote that will have new moms reaching for the Kleenex.
9. "Wrap me up, before you go go."
One can never go wrong with a playful Wham! reference.
10. "'I wish I'd cuddled my baby less,' said no mom ever."
Lastly, a good one for anyone who's taken some heat for their babywearing ways. (Now, if your child is 19, well, this quote might not work. Though I'd love to see the photo of them in the sling.)