The holidays are just around the corner, and if you celebrate Christmas, you may be already making your wish list for Santa. As a newly pregnant person, for the first time this year, I don't want your typical Christmas gifts. No clothes, CDs, or movies this year — I want gifts every pregnant mom wants for the holidays that money can't buy.
Sure there are pregnancy pillows and maternity clothes, and there's always your baby registry. But that would suck as much as having your birthday on Christmas day or another major holiday. When your birthday is around a major holiday, your day and the holiday always seem to get lumped together. I feel like your baby shower should be a separate and celebrated occasion, but that's just me. (However, I obviously wouldn't complain if someone was kind enough to buy us a baby crib or some other type of furniture for the baby's room, because, wow, how nice.) But if Santa Claus truly was real and could really produce miracles, I'd ask for non-materialistic things this year to make pregnancy a little bit easier. You know, beyond the popsicles for morning sickness. And this is my "Grown Up Christmas List." Thanks, Amy Grant and pregnancy.
For as exhausted and tired I feel all day long (see below), I’ll be damned if I don’t get in the bed every night and suddenly, my eyes are wider than saucers. I start thinking about all the things that could go wrong with my pregnancy, and the things that hopefully go right. I start worrying about the furbabies and how they’ll react with a new baby. And I worry if I’ll ever get sleep again, because I’m sure as heck not sleeping right now since my brain won’t shut up. And then oh, my God, soon nothing will ever be the same ever again, and my husband and I won’t be laying in our house, ready to go to bed alone, because there will be a tiny human who depends on us for everything and we are expected to keep it alive. And no, I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out.
Who knew doing the dishes and cooking dinner could be so exhausting? And grocery shopping, my God. Also, going for a 30 minute walk every day for exercise sometimes feels like I ran a 5k. Growing a human sure takes it out of you. I’d love for Santa to bring me more energy this year so my house doesn’t become a dilapidated sh*thole, I can continue to have a healthy pregnancy, and we have food in our refrigerator. My husband can only do so much when we have four animals to clean up after. So he definitely tries and does a good job — there’s just a lot. I’ve also found sitting at the computer and writing articles is strangely exhausting as well. Sitting on your butt sure is tiresome when you can’t drink all the coffee during the day like you used to.
3New Lower Abdomen, Hips, & Back
Round ligament pain, man. I’ll just be laying in bed, about to go to sleep at night, and suddenly there’s a weird cramping in my abdomen if I cough or move too quickly. And don’t even get me started about my back. I’m not even showing very much yet, but I feel like everything is pulling me forward, and my backaches at night are the worst. I know it can only go downhill from here when I am further along and I really have a belly. And my hips just feel achy in general for some reason? Is it because they're getting even bigger? Please, Santa, can you help me out? Is 12 weeks too early for a belly band thing? Asking for a friend.
4To Feel Full
Lately, I feel like as soon as I’m done eating a meal, any meal, I’m already excited and hungry for the next one. I’ve even found myself planning the next meal and snack as I’m eating the current meal. This constant hunger business is no joke, and I’m trying so hard not to gain 70 pounds during my pregnancy. As I write this I’m eating my post-lunch snack of a bran muffin (see Christmas wish number five). Oooh is it time for second lunch? On another note, I wish that all I craved were fruits and vegetables and healthy foods, and not macaroni and cheese and pizza. Get on that, Santa.
5Being Able To Poop Without Pain
Luckily, I haven’t had too much trouble with this yet, except for one painful three days in the first trimester (thank God for Colace). But from what some of my friends who are further along or who have been pregnant before are saying, sometimes pooping while pregnant is the worst. You’ll suddenly be stocked up on Colace and Preparation H wipes, and you’ll feel like you’re 73 years old. And let’s not forget about the first postpartum poop. May God bless your soul.
6The Ability To Self-Filter Cigarette Smoke
My pre-pregnant self would go to metal shows at least a couple times a month. I am fortunate enough to live in a neighborhood with several dive bars and small concert venues within walking distance — in fact, that’s one of the big reasons my husband and I decided to buy in this area four years ago, even if it was “up and coming.” Unfortunately, they haven’t banned smoking in these venues in Georgia yet. Now, that was all good, great even, when I was a smoker three years ago and I didn’t have to walk outside in the cold for a smoke. But now, all I want to do is go see my favorite bands while I can without hiring a babysitter, but I can’t because there’s no way it’s safe for me to stand in these poorly ventilated tiny spaces filled with cigarette smoke. My coworkers and I fondly joke about one venue in particular called The Earl, and how you get “Earl Lung” after you leave there. It’s pretty gross, but I loved it so. Maybe Santa can bring me a gas mask this year and tell everyone I’m starting a fashion trend.
7To Not Feel Hungover
Nausea and pregnancy go hand in hand and seem to be the best of friends. I’ve never been one to get car sick, but now, even when I’m driving, I have to suck on a “Preggie Pop Drop.” It's the worst sucking on one of these when I’m working at my pet store job, because of the disgusted looks I get from customers who probably think I’m being unprofessional by eating hard candy while explaining to them why their pet’s stool is off lately. Nothing like talking about stools while sucking on a drop, am I right? And now that I’m beginning my second trimester, I go to bed with a headache and wake up with one. It’s really frustrating, especially when you can only take Tylenol (and Tylenol has never worked for me) and you can’t drink a lot of caffeine. With the headaches and nausea, it’s the weirdest feeling to feel hungover all the time and not having had a drop to drink. It sucks, frankly. Which leads me to my next Christmas wish.
8The Ability To Drink Without Affecting My Baby
Man oh man do I miss wine. I even have dreams about bar hopping with my friends like the “good old days” and in my dream, I forget I’m pregnant. And then to my horror, my friends and I remember after a night of debauchery. As soon as I wake up, I have to remind myself I haven’t had a drop to drink since I got a positive test because I feel so guilty. Also, sometimes after a hard day, nothing sounds better than a night cap. With the holidays coming up, I am nervous about how hard it will be to not imbibe with everyone else celebrating with their alcoholic beverages — and dealing with certain family members completely sober.
9To Be Invited To The Dance Party In My Belly Every Night
I am not far enough along yet to feel any kicks or squirms, but my pregnant best friend told me the other night there was a dance party happening in her uterus and she wasn’t invited. I feel like it will be so cool and surreal to feel your baby moving around in there, and I can’t wait until it happens. I’m sure it’s annoying when you’re trying to go to bed, since apparently that’s when they’re super active, but wouldn’t it be cool if you could be having as much fun as your baby is apparently having at that dance party in your uterus? Perhaps you wouldn’t want Santa to transport you to your uterus to join your baby, but you get the point.
10To Snuggle My New Baby
Nine-plus months feels like an eternity for a reason. The anticipation of having a brand new baby to snuggle is the most exciting feeling ever. The absentminded way your hand travels to your stomach sometimes just isn’t enough. You feel the baby quite a bit during the later stages of your pregnancy, and some women may even feel a bond while the baby is still in the womb (but if you don't, that's OK) and long to hold their love as soon as possible.
With all the negatives that pregnancy can bring, it’s so worth it at the end to snuggle your baby in your arms officially, and have them snuggle into you. That is the greatest gift of all.
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