As you're probably aware, Grandparents Day is right around the corner (on Sunday, September 9, to be exact). The reason why you're probably aware of the upcoming holiday is that your kid has likely brought home a handmade grandparent-centric gift from school this week — and now it's your turn. Finding an appropriate card shouldn't be too tough, but what will you write inside? Some grandparents are more dry and witty than warm and fuzzy, after all. So what are some funny things to write in a Grandparents Day card?
Because the truth is, while grandparents have a reputation for being wholesome and indulgent and kindly and comforting, there are plenty of grandmas and grandparents out there who have a little bit more of an edge... or at least an appreciation for the sarcastic side of life. And honestly, a grandparent with a sense of humor is the best kind of all. When kids get cranky, the best grandparents know how to diffuse the situation with a "turn that frown upside down" kind of attitude — and when parents get stressed, they know how to make things seem a little less dire by sharing a funny anecdote about "that time when you were in second grade and you rode your bicycle right into a brick wall" (or some other, similar disaster that turned out just fine).
And sure, sometimes grandparents can drive you up the wall (like every time they babysit and let your kids stay up eating cookies hours past their bedtime). But Grandparents Day is about celebrating all the amazing things they do, and laughing at the less-than-amazing stuff. That's just what the parent/grandparent relationship is all about... and these quotes sum it up perfectly.
1. “A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”
Does Grandma really think a miniature Captain America just showed up on her doorstep? She'll do her best to convince her grandchild that she's been fooled, that's for sure. (Just like she'll pretend she can't find your kid during hide and seek.)
2. “If God had intended us to follow recipes, He wouldn’t have given us grandmothers.”
Humorist Linda Henley hit the nail on the head with this sentiment, perfect for a grandma whose world-famous recipes come from her head, not a cookbook.
3. “Being pretty on the inside means you don’t hit your brother and you eat all your peas — that’s what my grandma taught me."
This quote from British statesman and famed wit Lord Chesterfield is hundreds of years old, but it's still perfectly relevant.
4. "A house needs a grandma in it."
Okay, so this quote from Louisa May Alcott is maybe a bit more poignant than laugh-out-loud hilarious, but it definitely falls into the "funny because it's true" category.
5. “If your baby is ‘beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time,’ you’re the grandma.”
Author Teresa Bloomingdale explained the phenomenon of blameless grandchildren with this quote. (An angel all the time, eh?)
6. “The secret of life is to skip having children and go directly to grandchildren.”
This bit of wisdom from cartoonist Mell Lazarus would be excellent advice, if it were possible to follow.
7. “The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”
Another quote that's funny because it's (painfully) true, humorist Sam Levenson perfectly articulated the triangular relationship between you, your kid, and your parents... and your inevitable role as the bad guy.
8. “They say genes skip generations. Maybe that’s why grandparents find their grandchildren so likeable.”
Aha! Now THIS would really explain a lot. (Also, kind of gives you something to look forward to, right?)
9. “Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”
This gem from screenwriter Gene Perrett explains why grandparents can actually be bigger troublemakers than grandkids. (Remember when you thought your parents would help keep your kids in line? Sigh.)
10. “Never have children, only grandchildren.”
Again, if only it were possible to actually follow this very, very wise counsel. Gore Vidal knew what was up: Why not skip over the potty training and the disciplining and the parent-teacher conferences and go straight to spoiling them beyond all measure?