Hey, mama in your bunny slippers in the school drop off line: I see you. I see you because I am you. I get it. Sometimes it's all you can do to get your kids dressed, fed, and out the door to school. A shower? Surely, you jest. We have our priorities, and coffee comes before fashion. Looking for like-minded honey badger moms? Simply refer to this guide of school drop off looks that scream IDGAF.
Now that my daughter is in preschool, I've had to think about what I look like when I drop her off and head to the coffee shop to write for a few hours. I mean, people are going to see me. I live in Texas, and there are always moms who are exquisitely coiffed and dressed to the nines and effortlessly flawless. Not to mention their perfectly matched offspring and their giant bows. However, that's just not me. I'm a much happier person if I sleep a little longer, even if it means I'm not "put together."
I have no problem with moms who take the time to look amazing. They look fantastic in their beautiful scarves, skinny jeans, riding boots, holding those festive, red Starbucks cups. Maybe I'll manage that look someday, too, but for now you'll most like find me rocking one of these IDGAF staples, because motherhood:
The "Messy Bun" Look
Is there anything quite like the messy bun to announce your hot mess mom status? I think not. It's so glorious, you guys. The messy bun works equally well wet or dry. Unwashed hair? Not a problem. My hair actually stays better when it's a little dirty. I have even commissioned a knitted winter hat with a special hole for my bun to stick out of. You know you want one, too.
The "Leggings" Look
I'm just going to say it: leggings are pants. Get over it. You can pry them from my cold, dead body. My mom uniform is a pair of buttery soft leggings and a long sweater tunic. Are those pink dodo birds on a purple background? Why, yes they are. #SorryNotSorry
The "I'm Still In My Pajamas" Look
Yep, I just rolled out of bed and got in the car looking exactly like this. I'm not even trying to pretend that I'm going to the gym after drop off, because I'm getting right back in bed if at all possible.
I love that there is a whole parents dropping kids off in pajamas phenomenon. A school in the U.K. went as far as to ban it. However, this is 'Murica, folks, and I will defend my right to embarrass my child with my pajamas.
The "Crusty Robe" Look
I'm not referring to the silky robe you put on when you're feeling all sexy after an indulgent bubble bath. I'm talking about the real robe. You know, the one with chai tea stains and dried up snot from your toddler. Winter mornings are cold, so why not complete the pajama look and don the robe? I certainly won't judge you.
The "No Makeup" Look
There's an entire #NoMakeup movement, y'all. It's like it was meant for moms who don't give a sh*t, except that I never look like Alicia Keys. All these "no makeup" celebrities manage to look fresh bare-faced and beautiful. My no makeup look features blotchy skin and bags under my eyes, but I make no apologies.
The "Old Sweats" Look
Moms with limited f*cks to give are all about comfort. I take it to a new level. I put my daughter in sweats once and my husband remarked, "Aw, she looks just like you." My favorite are my "Team Edward" sweatpants that say "Forks" across the butt (don't judge). My kid will just have to deal with her teachers knowing that mommy is a Twihard.
The "Unidentifiable Stain" Look
Once upon a time, when the baby spit up on me, I would peel off the soiled garment, treat the stain, and soak it in water. Not anymore, friends. Now, my kid wiping her nose on my sleeve isn't even occasion for changing.
So, that brown stain on my shirt? Might be chocolate. Might be poop. I'll never tell.
The "No-Bra Layered" Look
I'm not, what you would call, well-endowed. My bra isn't holding anything up; it's pretty much a glorified nipple coverer. So if I can get away with not wearing one, I will. If you see me in a sweatshirt layered over a camisole or thermal, chances are I'm going commando.
The "Covered In Pet Hair" Look
I have a dog and a cat, and pet hair is essentially a condiment in my home. My cat is white, so if I wear black bottoms for even two seconds in my house, I'll be covered in a layer of fur. It's not that I don't have a lint roller; it just feels like an exercise in futility.
The "Bulge In The Pantleg" Look
The internet tell me I'm not the only one who wears jeans multiple times before they wash them. However, you haven't really achieved IDGAF status until you find a crumpled pair of panties or dirty sock in your pantleg. Sometimes they just get stuck in there when you peel your pants off, waiting to shame you when you put them back on. Wait, you've never experienced that? Oh. Um, me either.