So, a lot of things change after you have a baby: your sleep schedule, your priorities, your relationship and, yes, the sex you may or may not be having. As you and your partner navigate your way through parenthood, figuring out exactly what that means for the two of you and your new family, you'll tend to find that how you two have sex, how often you have sex, and how you even talk about sex, will all change.
Contrary to popular (often hilariously-depicted-but-still-somewhat-sad) belief, those changes aren't always and exclusively bad. Even if you end up having less sex than you were having before you had a kid (which isn't always a certainty, but definitely happens), the sex you're having is more deliberate, and definitely a bi-product of a heightened level of communication because, well, you're parents now and ain't nobody got time for guessing when you're going to get some.
Which is why the text messages new parents send to one another about sex, are truthful, to the point, and just plain hilarious. Chances are, after going through 40+ weeks of pregnancy and a taxing labor and delivery, you're past coy. You've discussed bowel movements and centimeters dilated and nothing is "off limits" anymore, especially when it comes to sex. So, with that in mind, here are 10 text messages every new mom sends her partner about getting down and dirty.
The average woman waits at least six weeks before she has sex after she's had a baby. While every woman and every birth is different, most need time to heal and recover from labor and delivery. Those six weeks, however, can feel like six freakin' years. Just like you had a countdown for the baby's arrival, you'll soon find yourself having a countdown until you can finally have sex again. (Or not...some people don't feel like jumping back into bed right away, and that's obviously fine too.)
Time is of the essence when you have a baby, so you'll need to make every second count when you have the time to count them. Chop chop, buddy!
It's not uncommon for a woman to feel anything but sexy after she's had a baby. Your day-to-day life has drastically changed, you're adjusting to all of that change, which means you're likely leaving very little time for yourself and devoting all of your time to the baby...and you're sleep deprived. Some nights, it's just not going to happen. Shrug.
Let's face it, anytime you can use an eggplant emoji, you should use an eggplant emoji.
Make no mistake, feeling touched-out is a very real thing that many mothers experience. When you're constantly being touched by another (albeit small) human being, the last thing you want is to be touched by someone else, even if that someone else is your partner. Sometimes, the sexiest thing your partner can do for you is leave you alone and let you sleep.
What's the point of showering if you're not going to get dirty again, amirite?! (I mean, besides feeling better and having a moment to yourself and general hygiene, but you get the idea.)
Every relationship is different, so the jokes about sex drying up after baby or a long-term relationship can sometimes be true...but they are usually not true. That doesn't mean, however, that you and your partner won't experience a few "dry spells," especially when you're adjusting to your new life as parents.
As a new mom, you'll be faced with this dilemma more times than you could have imaged. Do you want to sleep? Or do you want to have sex? I mean, dear god, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Birth control. Birth control birth control birth control.
You might not feel like wearing lingerie and you may not have the time to shower and you could possibly be feeling anything but attractive but, trust me, to your partner, you've never been hotter. Yes, baby spit-up and all.