There isn't a string of text messages more confusing and contradictory than texts from the grocery store. The grocery store is the ultimate "complicated relationship." I mean, I like having her around and she's actually pretty important in my life but when it comes to actually spending time with her? Totally hit or miss. Is she going to make me feel good about myself and my life choices? Is she going to leave me in a puddle of my own tears? Only time will tell, you guys. Which is why, when I'm purchasing produce (whether my kid is with me or not) I'm sending those quintessential texts every mom sends to her partner from the grocery store. If I am going to have to spend time with my "frenemy," my partner at least has to know about it.
I'll be honest, whether or not my son is with me during my grocery run, greatly impacts how I am going to feel about the trip. My fellow parents will likely understand that, with a toddler, a grocery store is a fortress of doom full of tempting wonders for your tiny person to shout about or attempt to grab or cry about not actually having. Like, he loves bananas at home, but at the grocery store he really loves bananas. A trip that should take 30 minutes, max, ends up taking upwards of two hours, in which the majority of my time is spent attempting to stop my kid from grabbing something that will probably break and I'll, well, probably have to pay for. However, when I'm alone, the grocery store is a pleasantly calm oasis of self-care and nourishment. I could spend an hour just casually walking the aisles, scanning products, reading labels, and breathing slowly as I revel in the kid-free time I'm hardly allotted anymore.
Whether my kid is with me or I'm on my own, I usually send my partner a slew of tex messages so that he can experience the trip with me. I mean, we're parenting partners, right? We should be in this mess together and, yes, that includes trips to the grocery store.
When You Are Alone
2 Minutes In: You're In Awe Of The Outside World
They're so shiny and smooth and perfect. They're like medium-sized baskets of everything that is good and right in this world.
8 Minutes In: You're In Denial
Thankfully, you know better than trying to drink wine while shopping.
15 Minutes In: You're Giddy
A spa with fluorescent lighting, yes, but a spa nonetheless.
23 Minutes In: You're Getting Cocky
Whoa, whoa, whoa there. Are you seriously failing to remember other things in your life that may have been easy? What about grocery trips before kids, when your lists were half the size?
33 Minutes In: You're Confused
It's unfamiliar and strange, yet you feel comfortable. It's a missing piece of your life's puzzle, and it's a corner.
When You Are Not Alone
6 Minutes In: You're Getting Irritated
Also known as the most frequently texted words of all-time.
12 Minutes In: Your Irritation Has Turned Into Frustration
It's around this time that your child starts to make unhappy noises, look around curiously, and get shifty in the cart. Tiny beads of sweat are also forming on your forehead.
16 Minutes In: Your Child Is Approaching Meltdown Status
He or she will no longer sit still in the cart, meaning you have to act quickly and efficiently, prioritizing things like coffee grounds, applesauce pouches, and milk over cookies, granola bars, and soap.
18 Minutes In: You Are Abandoning The Mission
You can claim that you need help with the bags, but everyone knows it's to give you a hand with your children.
19 Minutes In: You Remember What's Most Important To You In This World