If you've never been in a delivery room, have you ever wondered what kinds of things are said? Particularly things women say to their partner during labor? Let me tell you, it's not all sunshine and rainbows and happy things. Now, for some, it can be, or at least parts of what is said can be. But for the large majority? That's not exactly what we're going to be thinking, much less saying.
I remember getting so frustrated with one of my nurses while I was in labor because she would just not stop talking. Did I yell at her? Honestly, I don't remember. I don't think so, but I'm not positive and it totally could have happened and while I'm sorry now (if I did) I can't say I was sorry in the moment. Who else was I ready to freak out on? My loving fiancé. The love of my life, my best friend, the father of my child. Yep, that freakin' guy. Why? Who knows. I honestly can't remember. I was just in so much pain and wanted it to stop and it felt like no one was helping to make it stop. I don't remember if I said anything to him out loud, but I definitely said some things to him in my head and I definitely remember giving him my infamous "death glare" (and trust me, you do not want to be on the receiving end of that look).
I also realized that I was very lucky to have my partner there with me. I was lucky to have them there even when I yelling and giving him death glares and asking him why he got me pregnant. Not everyone has the luxury of having their partner in the labor and delivery room with them. Whether they're deployed or working abroad or just unable, plenty of women go through labor and delivery without their partner by their side. I would imagine, thanks to technology, that many of those women end up texting their partner (if they can) and I know that if mine hadn't have been present to hear my yells and screams, I definitely would have send him some thoughts via text. Thoughts, well, like this:
Playing That Blame Game
To some women, this is one that might be repeated. Although, in most cases where a partner is involved, this really isn't a legitimate question because deciding to have a baby is a decision made by both partners, together (hopefully). However, legitimate questions have no room in the delivery room. Well, sometimes, anyway, and it can feel like it is all on you and someone "did something" to you, because you're the one in pain pushing and/or getting a human being cut from your body. So partners, don't take it personally.
Wishing Labor Was Someone Else's Problem
While there is no "real" way you could actually switch places with your partner so that they were the ones sitting in immense pain, drenching in sweat, hooked up to cords and needles or sitting in a bath tub, it's something that definitely crosses your mind. Even if you didn't switch places completely, the temptation of your partner being able to at least feel and experience what is happening to you is a strong one. Know what ladies? There is a way your partner can feel these things before you do. According to the Huffington Post, it's called undergoing simulated labor contractions and utilizes electrodes attached to the men's abdomens to simulate what the entire birthing process is like. Thanks, science. You're the best.
All The Threats
This could be an extension of the question, "Why did you do this to me?" Only this one is probably sent during the later phases of labor and/or right when you're actively pushing and the pain is unbearable. No, of course you don't mean it. Maybe. Yes, it's probably necessary to say, because anything you say or do that helps you bring your baby into the world safely, is necessary. So partners, grow a thick skin.
You are going to be in a lot of pain and your partner is on the way and ready to help you through that pain, a warning is probably fair.
Missing Your Partner
Now, thankfully, I did not have this specific issue much because my fiancé and I were together on the way to the hospital and on the way back from the hospital. However, for those women who have to wait on their partners to arrive from work or elsewhere (if they can, in fact, attend the birth) this period of time, I'm assuming and have heard through third parties, can only add to the excruciating amount of pain they are already in.
Personally, when my fiancé would leave for quick trips to the bathroom or to get a snack and I would feel a contraction coming on, the pain I felt seemed ten times worse. I can only imagine how much worse it would be for those women waiting on their partners.
Don't Sing. Just, Don't.
Around the time I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, an often repeated commercial came out with Salt-n-Pepa's song "Push I,t" where a few women were singing and dancing to the song in different places. One was a birthing class where the couples were practicing breathing techniques to the song.
My fiancé thought this was hilarious and, truth be told, I did too. Until I went into labor As soon as I started feeling contractions, and he even made the face to start singing the song (he had joked he might sing it when I went into labor), I jerked my head around and gave him the worst glare I have ever given him or will likely give him again. Later, after our daughter was born and we were talking about what all had happened, he mentioned the look and described it as "a look like you were going to kill me." I laughed, thinking he was exaggerating, but he was dead serious. I apologized and explained I was just ready to punch his arm if he started singing that song, because it would not help me at all.
Everyone Stop Talking. Immediately. Forever.
If you have a partner who just won't stop talking or singing or making noise (whatever annoying noise that might bother you in abundance) and you are one of those people who need quiet and focus, you may just want everyone in the room to shut up. Even if that person is your loving partner who is only trying to help.
Some people don't mind being touched when they're in pain. Me? Don't even come close to me unless you want to lose a hand.
Frustration And Impatience
I had been in labor almost twenty four hours and I was tired. I was tired of the pain, tired of contractions, tired of controlled breathing, tired of pushing (one and a half hours of it) and just plain ready for my daughter to be out in the world so I could hold her in my arms (and so she could be out of me). At one point I said "Get out of me! Get out of me! Please dear God get out of me!" Yes. I said that. I was practically begging for it all to be over.
Some version of this could easily be something another woman might say or text to her partner. Surely I can't be the only one in the world who had this exact sentiment, right?
Despite all of these things you might tell your partner and all the horrible looks they might receive, there is one thing you most likely will tell them at some point during labor: "I love you."