As we move forward in this wasted world and feminist parents continue to redefine parenthood and what it means to be a parent, moments that are considered "monumental" are getting something of a makeover. The "sex talk" — a notoriously uncomfortable conversation between parents and their kids that moms and dads have long dreaded and/or avoided — is now a welcomed topic of discussion. Sex-positive mothers are teaching their kids to view sex in a healthy, natural, and non-judgmental way, which is why talking about sex isn't considered "uncomfortable" because, well, sex is normal.
Sex-education curriculum, however, has failed to adequately keep up with the changing times. As of now, abstinence-only sex education comprises 23 percent of sex education in the public schools the United States. That number is actually up from only 2 percent of the total sex-ed programs back in 1988. It seems that when it comes to sex (or gender equality, reproductive rights, marriage equality and racism) the U.S. is going back in time, not fundamentally forward. Which is why every feminist mom is going to make sure that before her kids step into a classroom and are taught sex education, they know a few things. At the end of the day, and regardless of all the wonderful help we parents receive from our communities, teachers, friends, family members, etc., we are each responsible for our own children's education.
So, with that in mind, here are 10 things about sex that every feminist mom is going to make sure her kid knows before the step into sex ed class. Until abstinence-only sex education is replaced by sex-positive lessons, you really can never be too careful when it comes to making sure your kids know the following:
Sex Is Always Consensual
Sex that isn't consensual, isn't sex. It's honestly simple as that, and yet somewhere along the way, we're failing to teach youth about consent: Reports of sexual assault are on the rise, especially on college campuses across the country. It's important that we teach consent — what qualifies and consent and what does not qualify as consent — to anyone and everyone. Teaching consent doesn't provoke sexual activity, it simply ensures that sexual activity is healthy, safe, and mutual.
Sex Isn't Inherantly Bad
Of course, what your kid learns in sex ed depends entirely on the curriculum being taught. If it's a sex-positive lesson, it will be less fear-based in nature. However, if it's abstinence-based, fear and terror will (in all likelihood) be used to try and coerce kids into waiting to engage in sexual activity until they're married. A feminist mother will definitely want to make sure that regardless of the curriculum being taught, and the manner in which it is taught, her kid(s) know sex isn't "scary" or "bad" or anything to be afraid of, whether you're married or not.
Safe Sex Is Hot Sex
There are so many misconceptions when it comes to sex that can alter what many consider to be "hot" or "normal" and turn it into something unrealistic and even dangerous. It's important that all kids (and, you know, adults too) realize that first and foremost: safe sex is hot sex. Constant communication with your partner or partners, contraception and safe sex practices are the cornerstone of any wild, hot, and worthwhile sex life.
There's No Reason To Be Embarassed
Talking about sex in a classroom full of your peers can be, well, awkward. Uncomfortable giggles, not-so-funny jokes, and even mean-spirited comments can be heard, and that can set a precedent of shame or embarrassment when it comes to sex. A feminist mother is going to make sure that her kids know that regardless of what anyone else says or how anyone else reacts, sex is nothing to be embarrassed about.
You Don't Have To Save Sex For Marriage
Again, what your kid learns at school about sex (or anything else, for that matter) is based on the curriculum. However, whether it's a more sex-positive lesson or an abstinence-only lesson, a feminist mother is going to make sure that her kid knows that sex isn't exclusively for marriage. Sex is nothing more than a healthy expression of a human desire, and a big part of who we are as individuals.
People Will Laugh, But Sex Is Natural
Just because (immature) people laugh uncomfortably when someone talks about sex, the anatomy used to have sex, or anything involving sexuality at all, doesn't mean that sex isn't completely normal. An individual's reaction to a conversation they may have never had before (because there's no way of knowing what is being taught in the home, nor is it really any of our business) doesn't change the fact that when it comes to sex, it's all natural, kids.
Communication Is Key, So Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
A feminist mother is going to make sure her kid knows that there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking questions. In school (at least at the school I attended) you're a "cool kid" if you know everything, especially things you really don't know about. When you're in school, it's considered "cool" to pretend like you have all the answers and you totally understand sex and how to do it (and do it well) and yeah, you totally got this. But honestly, at that age, you have no idea and while it isn't something anyone is willing to admit, asking questions doesn't mean you're sexually defective or "uncool." That's the only way you're going to learn about sex, safe sex, consent and so on, and trust us, kiddos, your future partner(s) will be thankful. And being good at sex is cool. So...asking questions is crucial.
A Woman's Sexuality Isn't Taboo
How women and women's sexuality are talked about during sex-ed (or any other time, for that matter) will depend on the curriculum, which is heavily influenced by your community's culture. Hopefully, women and their sexuality aren't considered taboo, but just in case — as 1 in 4 adolescents receive abstinence-only sex education , which notoriously teaches that a woman is devalued the moment she has sex — a feminist mother is going to make sure her children know that a woman's sexuality isn't bad, isn't dirty, and doesn't devalue any woman as a human being.
You Never Owe Anyone Sex, For Any Reason
This is honestly a good lesson for anyone at any age. However, peer pressure is arguably more palpable in middle and high school, so it's important that our kids know that when it comes to sex, they don't owe anyone anything. It doesn't matter if a boy was nice in class, gave someone their letterman jacket (is that still a thing?) or a girl asked you to a dance; if you're not ready to have sex, don't have sex. Sex is never an obligation. It is always a choice. Feminist moms are going to make damn sure that their kids know that.
You Can Always Talk To Me About Sex
A feminist mother is always going to let her kids know that when it comes to sex (or any other topic of discussion) they can come to her with questions, comments, and concerns. Whether it's telling her about an unwanted advance, a question they were too afraid to ask in class, or something they heard and are wondering about, a feminist mom will either have the answers, or find the answers. She won't judge, she won't condone, and she won't make her kid feel defective for having sexual feelings. She will simply giver her kid factual information and support, which is honestly the best thing you can give a kid or teenager.