Fotolia

10 Thoughts You Have When You Accidentally F*cking Curse In Front Of Your Kids

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Long before having kids, I was known for having a potty mouth. I'm not sure why (OK, I guess I know why), but I developed a reputation for it among friends. This was never a big deal to me until, of course, I had kids. Turns out, cursing in front of your kids is not generally smiled upon, so I found myself desperately trying to edit what came out of my mouth and with varying degrees of success.

Personally, I hobble back and forth between caring and not caring if and when my kids hear me swear. I tend to use certain curse words as a means of letting out anger and frustration, and it's generally not directed at people. In this regard, it doesn't seem like a terrible thing, relatively speaking. If I were walking around calling horrible names that are meant to degrade them or hurt them in some way, I could see being criticized for doing so in front of my kids (or, you know, at all). I don't want my kids to learn that calling people names is acceptable, but using a swear word to express frustration? That doesn't bother me, really.

The problem, of course, is caring about what other people think. If we lived in a bubble, where no one's opinion mattered (meaning, your kid's teacher or family members or other mom friends or strangers at the park within hearing distance), I wouldn't think twice about my kids learning a few swear words. But judgment is everywhere so, for now, I'm trying to keep it to a minimum at my house. That's why, of course, I am usually bombarded with some variety of these 10 thoughts I'm sure most moms have when they accidentally f*cking curse in front of their kids:

Ad failed to load

"Oh Sh*t"

giphy

This is the beginning of the end. My kids' minds will be in the gutter before they're even five years old, and it's going to be all my fault. My partner is going to kill me.

"Please Tell Me You Didn't Hear That"

giphy

Maybe you were just paying really close attention to those trucks you've been playing with. Maybe the sound of the TV playing totally drowned out my voice. Maybe you were just ignoring me entirely, because you tend to do that on occasion. Yep, that's it.

"Eh, It's Not That Big A Deal"

giphy

I mean, come on. They're just words, right? It's really not a big deal for a kid to swear, since adults (and older kids) do it all the time. Honestly, they probably won't even remember, in a day or two. They totally won't remember. They won't remember. Please don't remember.

Ad failed to load

"Thank God You Can't Talk Yet"

giphy

I used to say this every single day when my son was still a baby. I still say it now, even though he actually can talk, so I'm not sure what's going on there. Denial, I guess.

"I'm A Terrible Parent"

giphy

Other parents influence their kids by loving their bodies and being active and kind, and then there's me. I influence my kids by swearing in front of them. I am being judged right now, somewhere out there in parent land.

"If You Get In Trouble At School For Swearing, I'm Blaming It On My Partner"

giphy

No, seriously. If I get called in to have a talk with your teacher, this is not on me. I know dad says bad words, too, so it's totally going to be on him. He doesn't have to do pick up and drop off every day, so he can handle it.

Ad failed to load

"I Mean, It's Just A Word, Right?"

giphy

It really is. People overreact to these words, but they're really just a way to blow off steam. Better that it's words and not, you know, punching a wall, right?

"I Wonder What Kind Of Bribe They Need In Order To Not Repeat That Word Ever Again?"

giphy

Maybe an extra hour of TV today? Or, perhaps and depending on the severity of the word, all week? An ice cream? A new Lego set? Seriously, there has to be something I can use to minimize the damage here.

"Oh Let's Be Real, That Will Just Make Them Want To Say It More"

giphy

Kids cannot be trusted. It's crazy to think that plan will work, so I just need to work with what I've got. Which is a kid who now knows how to swear. Gulp.

Ad failed to load

"F*ck It"

giphy

You know what? F*ck that sh*t. If my kid is going to know a few swear words because of me, they might as well know how to use them properly. Furthermore, the world definitely won't be censoring itself for my child. Eventually, everyone is going to hear a curse word, so I think it's better my kid know what is acceptable to say, and what isn't, than believe these words simply don't exist.

Time to talk swearing grammar, kid.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

15 Baby Names With Unique Nicknames, So Your Family Has Options

I love a good diminutive name, also known as a nickname. I believe I’m partial to them because of my own name, Abigale, but I go by Abi. And since they’re both uniquely spelled, everyone thinks my name is pronounced Ah-bee for some reason — but even …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}