Fights happen in a relationship, that's no secret. But not all of them are worth having and they don't all have to turn into actual "fights." I hate the advice that every couple should fight, but I can attest to there being some fights that all strong couples get through. And, sometimes, those fights can make your relationship better.
I consider my fiancé and I to be a strong couple. Have we knocked heads before or disagreed on something? Sure. But our respect and love for each other, as well as our solid foundation, keeps us from jumping into fights every three seconds and never solving an issue. Money, house duties, spending time together, sex — those are all topics couples talk about and, yeah, sometimes they turn into a huge fight.
But are you really fighting about the trash being taken out? Or are you fighting about feeling unappreciated? Are you really fighting about your SO being friends with their ex on Facebook or is it your insecurities bubbling to the surface?
Psychology Today noted that fights shouldn't actually happen between emotionally mature and strong couples. Instead of flying off the handle, these strong couples take a deep breath, look at all the facts, and refrain from getting mad as an immediate emotion. And when you consider these 11 fights that all strong couples get through? That makes total sense, no matter how annoyed you actually are at the dishes in the sink.
1. The One About The Holidays
"We went to your parents' house last year." "Why can't we just stay home on Christmas?" "I'm not spending another Thanksgiving weekend watching your cousin get drunk."
The holidays are a wonderful time of the year, but they can also be incredibly stressful on a relationship. From the expenses of gifts, travel, decorations, and more to trying to decide whose family is considered more important than the other this year, there's a lot of room for hurt feelings. But a strong couple breaks it all down. You guys compromise, you work out a plan that benefits everybody, and, the most important part? Both parties realize they may not get their exact wishes. But because you are a strong couple, you already know that compromise is everything and that both of you deserve the same happiness during the holidays.
2. The One About Money
"I thought we agreed to put $500 in savings this month." "I can't believe you went to Target again." "How are we supposed to take a nice vacation if you're constantly blowing money at the bar?" "Why don't you lighten up, it's not like you can take your money with you when you die."
Money. It's not an easy subject to tackle, but it is a very common fight that couples have. But strong couples realize it's not really the numbers you're arguing over. According to U.S. News and World Report, arguments over money really stem from your emotions regarding the money and how it makes you feel. Do you feel like your partner doesn't care about you when they spend too much of their money on frivolous things instead of your savings account? Does your SO feel insecure because you make more money than they do? Strong couples get to the root of the problem and understand that it's more than just a dollar sign.
3. The One About The House
"You never do the dishes." "Can't you put your shoes away for once?" "When are you going to start helping me out around here?"
You know how strong couples get over fights about the house? They talk about the expectations of both of you when you have a home. Strong couples understand that no one person is responsible for everything in the house and they work together to keep the home fires burning and everyone happy and satisfied.
4. The One About Who Didn't Put The Cap Back On The Toothpaste
It doesn't matter if you're a neat freak or not, everybody has their breaking point when it comes to things like the toothpaste cap, the toilet paper roll, or the remote getting lost. But the trick is to realize why you are frustrated and, chances are, it has nothing to do with the actual object in your hand. Maybe you feel frustrated because you work hard to keep things in order and you feel like your SO just doesn't care. Strong, grown-up couples can separate their feelings from what's actually happening and turn it into a discussion about your emotions rather than the toothpaste.
5. The One About Spending Too Much Time Together
Alone time is precious. As an introvert, I get this. But luckily, so does my fiancé. Our relationship works because we both understand that everyone needs time apart — other strong couples get this, too. They don't fight about how they never get any space, they say, "Hey, I wouldn't mind a night alone with my books." It's easy for this to slip into insecurities and suffocation, but strong couples can push through that.
6. The One About The Big, Scary Decisions
"What do you think about marriage?" "I got a job in Colorado, will you move with me?"
Phew. Scary decisions are hard to handle on your own, but they can be even more difficult with a partner. According to Psychology Today, when you're handling a big, scary decision, it's important to keep each other calm and to find out the problem underneath the big decision. Strong couples figure out why they are unhappy in their current city, what their dreams are, why they want to get married. Remember, arguments are hardly ever what you're really fighting about, so break it down together.
7. The One About Your Insecurities
Insecurities are nasty, vicious little things that can turn your mind upside down. In fact, they are often the root of any problem you're having. But The Huffington Post noted that by figuring out your insecurities and where they stem from, you can help battle them. Are you worried about your partner not loving you because they've made you feel that way? Or is it because you have low self-esteem? Why? Strong couples talk these things out together to help each other be the best and happiest version of themselves.
8. The One About Making Time For Each Other
"You never want to hang out anymore." "All you do is play video games." "Can you turn off that game and talk to me?"
You know how strong couples get through this all too common fight? They make time for each other, they know why it's important, and they choose quality over quantity. It's hard to make time for each other when you're both busy, but strong couples realize that an hour before bed could be enough time to unwind, talk about your days, and relax. It doesn't have to be a big, huge date to make the time and grown couples understand that.
9. The One About Sex
"We never have sex anymore." "I hate when you watch porn." "You never give me what I want in bed."
Want to talk about a sensitive subject? Talk about sex. Like most arguments, Psychology Today noted that strong couples need to talk about the deeper issue when it comes to sex. Are you feeling insecure? Is your SO craving closeness and intimacy? Again, it's not always about sex. Strong couples don't criticize each other, make sweeping generalizations, or get nasty when they have this argument. They figure out what they really want and talk it through.
10. The One About Feeling Appreciated
I know, I sound like a broken record here. But strong couples talk about why being appreciated is important to them, why it matters, and why it hurts when they don't feel that way. If you're not feeling appreciated, your partner should hear you out and understand why. And in strong relationships? They do.
11. The One About Changes In Your Relationship
Relationships change and strong couples understand that. They get that it's not always roses and fun. They get that the honeymoon period wears off and that you have to battle through the everyday struggles as a couple. But, strong couples also make it a priority to find the fun again, to keep it light and happy, and that sometimes contentment is worth more than excitement.