Do you ever wish you could crawl inside a guy's head to figure out what goes on in there? Unless a Being John Malkovich type scenario happens, most women are left to just squint and wonder why certain milestones in life seem to scare off men. Wouldn't it be great to know why some guys are inexplicably (or so it seems) hesitant to become fathers? You might be interested to learn about the surprising personality traits in women that make men scared to have kids with them. This isn't to say that these guys speak for their entire gender, but, at the very least, it's interesting to see what kinds of reasons they've given.
Though I'm not a fan of stereotyping people, I can't help but notice that I know more men than women who are freaked out by the idea of parenthood. If anything, I think it should be the other way around since females are the ones who have to carry and deliver the child. Maybe science will level the ultimate playing field of procreation one day, but until that time, men and women have been dealt some very distinct biological cards. So what do men find to be a deal breaker when it comes to starting a family? Check out the personality traits in partners these men said would make them scared to have kids.
1A Lack Of Drive
"The traits that stick out to me the most would probably be attitude, commitment, and how goal-oriented she is," Chadrick, 29, tells Romper. "But, men get scared if it's not the right time for them, so excuses — or fears rather — are created." Maybe the old, "it's not you, it's me," line actually has some merit to it in this regard.
"I have a hard time trusting others to maintain any level of participation in my life," Brad, 31, says. "Raising a kid with that fear seems unfair." Since a child is a long-term responsibility, it makes sense that you wouldn't want to start down that road with someone you can't trust to stay present.
"Any signs of gross irresponsibility or uncontrollable anger [are] red flags," John, 35 says. "Also, signs of substance abuse and an inability to hold down a job, but I guess that's also irresponsibility." Basically, if a guy thinks a woman has difficulty managing her own life, he may be hesitant to bring a new life into the picture.
When asked what personality traits in a partner make men scared to have kids with them, Mark, 31, tells Romper that "cluster B type personality disorders" are deal breakers for him. If you're not familiar with the term, "Cluster B personality disorders are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior," according to Mayo Clinic. So, think Mean Girls, only in real life.
Josh, 35, tells Romper that intensely religious women don't feel like motherhood material for him. "I would be worried about them making kids feel shame for things that are perfectly natural," he says. This isn't to say that spirituality of any kind is a non-negotiable, but it has more to do with the guilt aspect of things.
On the flip side, there are plenty of men who find that people who are not overly religious not co-parenting material.
"If someone is a smoker or likes to party hard, these are things that would be red flags," Andrew, 32, says. Maybe some men feel the party girl personality doesn't mesh well with motherhood.
"The only [personality trait] would have been if they had been insistent that they wanted a baby with me," Joe, 43, tells Romper. Some things in life shouldn't be forced and apparently many men think having a baby is one of those things.
8A Short Fuse
What kind of person makes a man press pause on parenthood? "Anyone who has anger levels of 1 and 10 and nothing in between," Micael, 33, tells Romper. "I believe more in nurture than nature, and kids that grow up in angry households with angry parents seem to normalize emotional outbursts." Emotional maturity seems to be a necessary personality trait in someone with whom you'd want to have a child.
"Being sloppy or dirty in general is a personality trait that would make me second-guess having kids with someone," Justin, 32, tells Romper. "I guess it comes down to whether or not I think that person could take care of someone else if they can't take care of themselves." Maybe you can hire a maid instead?
"A lack of responsibility, that's pretty much it," Rye, 31 tells Romper. As you probably already know, bringing a child into this world is a big responsibility. So if you tend to be careless, that could be a no-go for some guys.
"Being obsessive, jealous, or suspicious just makes me think you have unresolved issues," Leonard, 32, says. "No one's perfect, but I would want the woman I'm gonna have kids with to have her stuff together on a basic level."
Check out Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries: