"Cause if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it." Thank you, Queen Bey. If you do like it, then you should put a ring on that finger fast because all my friends are getting married, and my family is starting to wonder when we are getting hitched, too. But maybe the question isn't when, but why your partner hasn't taken that big step of proposing yet. All the pieces are there, or so you think they are. If you find yourself with this dilemma, there are a few warning signs that your partner doesn't actually want to get married.
Maybe your partner believes that marriage is more of a burden than anything else, or they are just not ready financially or emotionally. That’s a very genuine thing to feel emotionally unprepared even if you're one of those people that just don't believe it. Everyone goes into a relationship with their own baggage, and no one person is the same, or has the same dating history so there's no point putting everyone in the same box. When a person isn’t ready, it's best to let them take their time. If you feel like you're forced to rush it, think of it this way: You want to be with someone who is their best self, don't you?
If you're trying to figure out whether you should hold your breath during every special occasion and holiday for that juicy ring, here are 11 signs that suggest that your significant other may not be rushing — or even planning — to tie the knot.
1. They Still Connect With Their Ex
Some people can still be friends with their ex, and that's great. But psychologist and life coach Dr. Nikki Martinez tells Bustle readers that "staying too close with them and spending too much time with them does not allow you to move on from them.” If your partner is still in contact to their ex, it may make it hard for them to move forward in their love life.
2. They Don't Care To Meet Your Family
Taking someone home is a big step and your partner's relationship with your family could make or break your future together. Someone who wants to spend their life with at some point need to meet your family, whether they want to or not, and if your partner shows no interest in this, then they probably don't have an interest in being part of your family.
3. They Don't Want To Live Together
Moving in together is what I like to call junior marriage. A new study from Journal of Marriage and Family says suggests that moving in together before marriage isn't more of a risk for divorce, rather it's a step towards marriage.
4. Their Bank Account Is Weak
A report from Pew Research Center shows that people between the ages of 25-34 say that their main reason for not getting married is their finances. Let me first start by saying that I do believe that love does conquer all. Some people may just want to make sure they are in a better place financially before becoming codependent, so take this as a sign that they just might not be ready yet.
5. They Don't Discuss Future Plans
If your partner wanted to be part of your future, they would make an effort to know what your plans are. Decision Making is very important in a marriage, from small day-to-day decisions, to huge life-altering ones. Your future becomes they're future. If your partner is making life changing plans without you and that don't involve you, then chances are they don't see a future with you.
6. They Keep Secrets
According to Psychology Today, couples keep secrets because they are scared their partner will disapprove, but these secrets can be the main factor in destroying a relationship. Communication and trust are the key to a healthy marriage, and when secrets come into play, it jeopardizes a person's trust.
7. They Always Bring Up Their Divorced Parents
According to Psychology Today people from divorced homes tend to lack relationship skills. When there are first signs of trouble their go-to is divorce, rather than working on the actual issue. It's not that your partner doesn't want to spend the rest of your life with you, it's just they are coming from an insecure place. People of divorced families grow up viewing marriage as unpredictable.
8. You Feel Like You Are Just A Place Holder
Most people determine their worth based off of having a relationship. A study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says that people stay in unhealthy relationships because of the fear of being alone. Being single is just so terrifying that they will settle until something better comes along.
9. The Timing Is All Wrong
Age can play a significant factor in settling down. Scientist Tom Griffiths, and Journalist Brian Christian who co wrote the book Algorithms to Live By: The Computer Science of Human Decisions says the best age to get married is 26 years old. According to sociologist Nicholas G. Wolfinger, the ideal age to get married if you don't want to get divorced is between 28 and 32, reports Business Insider. These ages have the lowest risk of splitting up. Now don't freak out if you've surpassed both those numbers because each case really is different.
10. No Intimacy
Touching is one of the 5 love languages, and it's one of the most powerful ways you can show and receive love. In the widely famous book, He's Just Not That Into You, author Greg Behrendtm and Liz Tuccillo say, "One of the great joys in life is that you get to have sex. The last person who should be stopping you from enjoying that is the person you're dating." If the individual you're dating doesn't want to have sex with you, then they might not be that interested in marrying you.
11. They Tell You
If your partner is telling you they don't want to get married, then there's your answer. Don't expect that you can change their mind. Psychologist Ramani Durvasula, author of Should I Stay Or Should I Go?, tells Women's Health, "People destroy themselves trying to fit the person they’re with into a perfect box."
Watch Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:
Check out the entire Romper's Doula Diaries series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.