In-laws. For many, the mention of your partner's parents can bring on a panic attack. Why? Well, it's human nature to want people to like you, especially when those people created your soulmate. Some people might be lucky to get on like gangbusters with their in-laws. Others, not so much. Unfortunately, if you sense subtle signs your spouse's family dislikes you, you're probably correct.
Psychology Today noted that you should trust your intuition and that gut instincts are usually on point. In other words, when you're picking up on even the most subtle signs, there's usually a nugget of truth behind them. But, subtle signs that people don't like you can also drive you nuts, making you feel paranoid. You have a couple of options here. You could take the high road and just ignore your spouse's family's behavior, venting about them to friends over cocktails and comfort food, or you could talk to your partner about your fears. But, beware.
A separate Psychology Today article noted that the bond between parent and child remains strong and enduring, even when the child is all grown up and married. So your spouse might or might not react well to the fact that you sense his or her family dislikes you. In fact, he or she might get defensive. But you're not there, yet. First, you need to get a read on your spouse's behavior. So, take a look at the following signs your spouse's family dislikes you, and see if any apply to your situation.
1. They Forget To Include You In Plans
Neglecting to include you in family plans is rude, and a subtle sign that you might not be their cup of tea. However, as Psychology Today noted, familial habits (that were formed way before you were in the picture) are hard to break. So although a neglected invite is a subtle diss, a little open dialogue with your spouse might get you on the guest list.
2. They Repeatedly Cancel Plans On You
Just like that friend you always cancel on because, you don't really care about her schedule (translation: she's not that important to you), when your spouse's family repeatedly cancels on you, they're sending the same message.
3. They Drop Passive Aggressive Zingers
The target of passive aggressive zingers might feel crazy. That's because, as vice chairman of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Montefiore Medical Center Scott Wetzler told Huffington Post, passive aggressive remarks are akin to "sugar-coated hostility." Signs of passive aggressive behavior include running late, sarcasm, the silent treatment, withholding praise or intimacy. Not fun.
4. They Snub You
Having lived in New York City for the majority of my life, I can say I'm adept at the snub. NYC is a perfect city for walking quickly and averting the gaze of passersby. I do it when I don't feel like a "stop and chat," though admittedly, it's impolite behavior. The snub to acquaintances is one thing. But to your spouse's SO it's just unacceptable and a sign of disrespect and dislike.
5. They Don't Buy You Gifts, Like Ever
It's your birthday, and your spouse's family doesn't acknowledge the occasion. Diss. The Washington Post acknowledged that the reason this hurts isn't because you don't have anything to unwrap, but because a forgotten gift can make you feel like "wallpaper in the lives of the ones you love most." Ouch.
6. They Always Let You Pick Up The Tab
Although money doesn't always talk, it does whisper. I mean, if you're always paying the tab when it comes to family get-togethers, something is awry. According to Quora's rules of etiquette, whomever organizes the outing should pay. Unless your spouse's family is having money troubles, (which could be possible) picking up the tab is a subtle sign that they care., and vice versa.
7. They Mispronounce Your Name
Not cool. Plain and simple. It shows they have no interest in getting to know you or trying to be civil.
8. They Steer Conversation Points Away From You
According to Oprah's website, being left out is an emotional drama. When your in-laws leave you out of the conversation or steer conversation points away from you, it's a sign that they lack common courtesy, or a passion for what you have to say
9. They Seem Disinterested In Your Job
Although your job doesn't define you, it says a lot about who you are. When your spouse's family makes no attempt at learning how you spend the majority of your day, it's a sign they are not that into you.
10. They Make No Attempt To Get To Know Your Family
Your mother-in-law can't remember your mother's name but remembers everything about your spouse's junior prom, including his or her prom date. Selective amnesia? Nope. If your mother-in-law can't remember your mother's name or anything about her, it's probably a sign she doesn't have respect for the woman who gave you life.
11. They Ignore You And Your Accomplishments
People who ignore your accomplishments are inflicting social pain, according to The American Psychological Association. Not only is this intentional, it's mean-spirited or stems from a sense of rivalry. Social rejection can hurt just as much as physical pain, so bear that in mind if you feel like your spouse's family is ignoring you or your accomplishments.